Thursday, September 22, 2016

Feeling Trapped


Recently we had a storm move through our area that caused some major local flooding. Some neighborhoods got hit worse than others. Thankfully, the damage for most folks was minor but still, it was inconvenient. For the first time since I’ve lived here, schools were closed because of rain. Many roads were too flooded to drive through.

Although I had been given the day off from work because of the flooding and had no place else to go, I still felt trapped inside my house. Not because there weren’t dozens of other things to: spending time with the family (check); writing (check); cleaning (check); watching television (check). I still had a sense of feeling trapped.

The choice of leaving my neighborhood had been taken from me.

I recalled feeling that way once before but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Just a small twinge in the recess of my brain trying to resurface. Some dark memory trying to claw it’s way to the surface.

As the day wore on it finally came to me. I used to feel this way when my husband was at the height of his addiction but wasn’t ready to acknowledge it yet…and neither was I. I had felt trapped in my marriage. I felt anxious a lot of the time. Like I should be doing something but I didn't know what. It left me feeling antsy.

I loved him. I hated what he was doing.

During that time I liked to tap into my senses:

I would go outside and walk, smell the air, feel the cold air on my face, see the brightly colored leaves, listen to the birds sing their songs. Listen to music, dance, light my favorite candle and breathe in it's smell. Take a warm bath. Or, as you guys know, write, write, and write some more.

And just like the waters finally subsided from the streets as the storm past, the porn subsided from our marriage as his recovery grew. The sun shined bright in our lives.


Have you ever felt trapped?

40 comments:

  1. Hi Elsie - what a great post and really good analogy ... sometimes life grabs us - but I've never felt completely down and out as such ... nearly ... but I'm lucky I have a positive outlook.

    The sun shines brightly ... take care and all the best - Hilary

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  2. @Hilary - Thank you. Yes, sometimes life is tricky like that. We get caught up in something before we know it and aren't sure how to get out. But I believe that within all of us lies the strength to do something about the situation we find ourselves in. That resolve to change. Like you, I have that positive outlook. :)

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  3. Yeah, it's a terrible feeling but also a great spur to action to get out of it.

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  4. @Debra - Very true, Debra. That feeling of being trapped gets claustrophobic after awhile.

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  5. There are days when both kids are screaming and all I want to do is run away. Gone are the days of leisure where I could sit and read a book uninterrupted, or casually stroll through a store without the constant pressure to hurry along to the next task. I know a day will come when they are no longer 6 and 3, and they'll grow to be self-sufficient young adults. I have to remind myself to cherish this time, because someday, they won't want to snuggle with me or put up with all my kisses or look at me like I'm their favorite person in the world. I guess I just need to look for that sunshine for right now.

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  6. It tends to flood a lot where I live, so I've been trapped in the house a few times.

    I've also had so much work and drama in my life that I felt trapped in a certain mode of living.

    It makes you appreciate things opening up later on, doesn't it?

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  7. Not sure I have ever felt trapped. Screwed maybe a time or two, and not in the fun way lol, but can't say trapped has come due.

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  8. Smart of you to recognize the same feelings of entrapment.
    I feel trapped after a hurricane when there is no power. Not really anywhere to go and no electronics to amuse me.

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  9. Feelings of being imprisoned in any situation in our lives are some of the worst. When we know we need to do something but can't or aren't ready to make a move, it's truly difficult and often overwhelming. I am so glad for all the progress you've made in your life since those days, and me in mine too! :-)

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  10. Wonderfully said. Isn't it funny how that works? Most days I don't even leave the house anyway, but when winter rolls around and we get a huge blizzard that prevents us from leaving, suddenly I feel trapped... even though I wasn't going to go anywhere anyway.

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  11. I've felt trapped when I didn't even have my car for a free hours. It's akin to being powerless.

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  12. @Loni - Oh my gosh, yes! Cherish those days while your children and young. I remember wanting those moments of peace and quiet, and now that I have more of those than not, I miss the noise and activity the kids brought to our home. Sure, it's nice to have the time to write, but it was better still having the houseful of activity :)

    @Nasreen - Ah, so you can relate to that feeling of isolation even when you're not really that isolated. It can feel so frustrating. I hope the drama you've been going through passes soon.

    @Pat - Hey, who hasn't felt screwed over a time or two? ;)

    @Alex - We lost power for a few minutes yesterday and I thought, "Oh no! What will I do?" So funny. I could just, oh, I don't know...crack a book open and read? :)

    @Josie - You and I have come a long way over the years. We are two strong, independent women! I'm so glad the past is now in our rearview mirrors and now something we can look back on and learn from.

    @Bryan - Exactly. It's not that I had plans anyway. It's that now I can't even if I wanted to. The choice has been taken from me. Now I'm forced to stay home by Mother Nature. How dare she do that to me. How rude!

    @Diane - You said it perfectly! "Powerless" You hit the nail on the head!

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  13. Of course I felt trapped in some days ~ But like you, I seek for solace by inhaling nature and writing ~ Hope the journey is better now Elsie ~ Have a good week ~

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  14. Hey Girl. Glad no one was seriously hurt. Sorry you felt trapped. Here's to a new day and a kick ass new week.

    PS: What made you change your comment section?

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    1. Well, I won't know if it worked until my next post which is the IWSG group, so wish me luck! My posts weren't showing up in anyone's feeds. Fingers crossed I fixed all the bugs. That's why I've been offline the last week or so...that and my Mac finally bit it. Poor thing. But it was six years old. It lasted a long time.

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    2. Remember when six years wasn't a long time and things like frdges and ovens lasted well beyond that?

      Blogger was giving me crap and I wasn't showing up in the dashboard. I dunno why it was like that but then it stopped and now I seem to be showing up again.

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  15. Wait, what's this thing on my leg?
    Ow!
    Ow!
    I better start gnawing.

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  16. You are one strong lady, Elsie! I have absolutely felt trapped in the past, especially after the breakup of my first marriage. But we get through these things and learn a lot in the process. Have a good one!

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    1. I think that's the important thing, that we learn in the process of it all. That's what makes us stronger people.

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  17. Great post Elsie! Although I love being trapped in my house. Except when it's snowing.

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    1. It was so strange. I had no place to go, but just that fact that I couldn't...it was like, "Wah! I need to get out of here NOW!"

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  18. This post had me thinking, about feeling trapped and you know I can't remember feeling trapped at any time, which makes me wonder is that the case or is my memory just stuffed and there has been times when I have felt trapped but can't remember the times or have I never felt trapped at all right now I really don't know

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    1. This made me smile. I have been wondering lately if I'll struggle with my own memory as I get older or will I be like one of my friends who can remember every single thing we did in high school. I'm like, um, okay, I'll just take your word for it that we did that because I have zero memory of it. :)

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  19. I think that feeling is a lot not being able to control a situation your mind is desperately telling you you need to control. One of those moments that the mind is the enemy.

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    1. That's why I like you, Chris. You have a ton of insight. I am a control freak for sure. It could be very well that I felt powerless over my situation and I can't stand that feeling.

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  20. I've heard that we live in a flood zone, but I think it's unlikely that we'll ever see any flooding in my neighborhood. I'd be happy to see just a bit of rain.

    Feeling trapped is a anxiety ridden state of existence. I guess I could always feel trapped in some ways, but I try to keep a positive outlook that keeps me from feeling that way. It's nice when our minds are free from thoughts that reign us in.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

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    1. I also believe you bring up a good point, Arlee. It was a feeling of anxiousness when I felt like we couldn't go anywhere. I also believe not being trapped in a pessimistic state of mind is healthy and can keep things from spiraling downward.

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  21. That feeling of being trapped is never a good one. I have felt it in the past and usually fight hard to change the situation (once I've recognized it, of course)

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    1. And that's the key I think, being able to recognize that we're feeling trapped. Glad you saw it.

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  22. Being most of the time inside the home, and a wheelchair bound, I don’t feel trapped anymore perhaps because I am used to it lot or it becomes life. But natural disaster is sometime forceful and not easy to accept the disable and we experienced a historic flood in December last year and were trapped for a week and were forced to shift to upstairs from the ground.

    Glad it wasn't severe there and hope u enjoyed the other activities from home. Cheers

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    1. I imagine it must be very difficult for you, Jeevan, especially during that flooding. I remember the pictures from your blog. It was devastating. I am always amazed by how much we are able to adapt to and overcome as people. We find an inner strength we never knew we had. Just like you do each and every day.

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  23. There was a season when we were so poor and I had 3 little kids at home. It took me an hour to pack everything up and get out the door with those littles, and I couldn't put the oldest in school because it wasn't a safe environment. It was a hard time, but it also became one of the best learning seasons of my life.

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    1. I can truly empathize with you, Crystal. I remember a time when I was washing our clothes in the bathtub and we were on food stamps. Times were truly tough. We did whatever it took to keep the kids fed and clothed. Like you said, we learned and we grew.

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  24. I get that feeling when I know I should be making a decision, but can't. I think that's what I use yoga and hiking for. They both clear my head and help me sort through my choices.

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    1. Reading this makes me realize how much I miss doing yoga. I have had a set back with my migraines so I haven't been able to do it lately. You're right, it's a great way to clear the ol' noggin.

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  25. I know the feeling of being trapped and powerless. It was a great post , Thank you.

    gramswisewords.blogspot.com

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    1. I'm sorry you can relate. Thank you for stopping by, Marian. :)

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    2. Thank you Elsie. But no need to feel sorry for me. All we experience makes us who we are and I am very happy with where I am in life. Life is so good and everything to be thankful for - even what seems bad to us at the time.

      gramswisewords.blogspot.com

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  26. @Grace - There is nothing like nature that helps to heal the soul.

    @Ivy - I had to change the comment section because Blogger wasn't reading my page because it was saying the old way wasn't "secure." I'm going to try to change it back on my next post to see if it does the same thing again. Actually, scratch that. I'm going to change it now.

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Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm here to help any way I can.