Monday, December 14, 2015

Better Than Tinfoil

from Google somewhere
My counselor scribbled something in her steno pad before she asked me, “Do you have any plans in place in case you start to trigger?”

I shook my head. “Not really. I’ve been reading my S-Anon literature and even been reading the Big Book but aside from a bad dream a couple of nights ago, I’ve been doing really good. It's hard to believe that time of year is upon us again. Five years since finding out Devin's a sex addict. Time just flew by and I've been doing great lately.”

And I was. Maybe it’s because I expected the worst but hoped for the best. Perhaps it was the passage of time. I’m not sure. But last week when the anniversary of disclosure week was upon us, it was present but it wasn’t present. I really felt good about Devin and I. We were, and still are, on a healthy path. We've been communicating well. We've been sticking to our own recoveries and been working on our marriage and doing things as a couple. Just doing great overall. I can't complain. No. Really. I can't. All really is going well in our corner of the world. (And it's nice not to be in the mindset of waiting for the other shoe to drop - what a nice change from a few years ago, huh, long time readers?)

Devin and I talked about disclosure week before it arrived. I told him to be on the lookout for me being extra sensitive or snarky (who me?). Or if I was withdrawn, don’t be afraid to ask why a few extra times, cause you know us ladies; sometimes we don’t like to answer the first time we’re asked.

There was a moment when I had to take a step back and dive into my recovery work, reflect on where we were rather than where we had been, but when that was finished…maybe thirty minutes…I was right as rain again.

That’s just as it should be too. It’s been five years since that dreaded week that I found out about his sex addiction. That's a long time. I shouldn’t be focused on what happened during that week. I should be focused on how far we’ve come as a couple and the fact we are celebrating ten years of marriage. How awesome is that?

The traditional ten-year gift is tin. Does that mean we should’ve exchanged tinfoil? I’m thinking no. Instead, we decided to look at Christmas lights. It was beautiful. Much better than tinfoil. 

How about you? Have you done anything holiday related yet?













29 comments:

  1. Happy Anniversary and may you have many more! So far the only Christmas-related thing we've done is gone to a performance of Handel's Messiah.

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    1. Thank you, thank you! I would love to see Handel's Messiah. That sounds lovely. I can't believe how fast Christmas is approaching and that Hanukkah has already past. Crazy. Soon the New Year will be here.

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  2. Happy Anniversary. But you? You can't complain? Wow, that is scary lol I don't know though, that tin foil hat may protect you from alien death rays. How can one be right as rain anyway? What if the rain blows left? Straight down? Is the rain always right? Can it be wrong? How can it be right if it can't talk? Okay, I'm done lol

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    1. Thanks, Pat. I know, me complain? Insane, huh? I know, where did the saying right as rain come from anyway? It makes no sense. I see rain go sideways quite often. I saw it fall (or blow) sideways all the time when I lived in Louisiana. It was insane! Like the guy in the tinfoil hat. And as far as being right - leave that up to us ladies. We're right all the time. Just ask us.

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    2. Best to nod and agree with ladies being right, especially if one wants things done at night. hahaha

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    3. The Cat can be wise
      Like a blue guy in disguise ;)
      Bottoms up... here we go
      May 2016 be a hell of a show!

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  3. Happy anniversary, nothing special due to living in a mobile home and space does really matter!

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    1. Thanks, Fran! Living in tight quarters can be tough. I remember it well. Best of luck!

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  4. Happy anniversary! Tinfoil hats are only good if you install rabbit ear antennas. Easier to pick up alien frequencies that way.

    It really is awesome to see how far you've come, that you really can't complain. I complain all the time. I don't know how I could survive without it. I'm even complaining about having to put up Christmas decorations today, which I really don't want to do.

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    1. Thanks, Bryan! You're too young to remember the days of rabbit ears. hehehe I remember the days of having to get up and actually change the channel. Now that sucked! I had a mom who called me downstairs to change the channel for her. That really sucked!!

      Once you start decorating, you'll have fun. It's just getting started that's the hard part. Put on some Nat King Cole and you can't help but be in the mood.

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  5. But, isn't tin foil aluminum? Oh, dear Lord...THAT is the type of stuff I notice?
    Holiday related...my daughter and I went shopping Saturday at the Mall. The only reason we went to the Mall was that it has a Dave and Busters. And a bar. That served draft beer.
    Mmmmmmmm.........video games and beer...mmmmmmmmm.
    Oh yeah, and Christmas presents.

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    1. Did you say Illuminati? No? That's what I heard. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Actually, when I looked up what the ten year anniversary was, it said tin foil slash aluminum but modern day was diamond - how kind of them to update to diamonds. sheesh! I LOVE Dave and Buster's. Too bad it's so damn expensive. After going there who can afford presents? haha

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  6. I think I'm going to go for the whole tinfoil suit.

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  7. I was curious so I looked up "tin gifts". Plenty of artwork, jewelry, and picture frames. Maybe I should have typed "practical" first.

    Or not. Might have gotten a Woodsman.

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  8. It cannot have been easy when you found out he cheated on you and wow, five years has gone by and you stood by him all this time. Here's to more healing and to never having that other shoe, drop.

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  9. I'm so happy that things are going so well for you guys!!! You've come such a long way in 5 years. Marriages CAN be salvaged as long as both parties are willing to work hard, and you guys sure have. No real holiday traditions for us....with him on the road we've never established anything. And I didn't want to implement all the stuff I used to do with my ex husband cause I didn't think that'd be fair to Russell. So this time of year is bittersweet b/c my ex and I really got into things....at least till his alcoholism and my depression took over in about 2008.

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  10. Anything is better than tinfoil! Here, honey, I got you some Reynolds Wrap. Seeing lights together is much better.
    Just stay focused on your future, not your past.
    And my apologies, this post just showed up in my Feedly this morning!

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  11. So happy for you, and the two of you.
    Love you, girlie.

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  12. Hi Elsie - that's such good news and just generally adding to the improvements over time ... long may this continue on. It's great that it's all working and you are both coping ... being married and being together ... congratulations - cheers Hilary

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  13. You are still going strong. Just keep communication open. You can't change the past, only shape the future.

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  14. I have decorated the house and bought the turkey and wrapped some presents so yeah I am getting ready for Christmas. You my friend are so strong just so you know

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  15. Hi darling, how are you today? I love this, another great post.
    Thank you for sharing this with us.
    Check out my new post if you're interested:
    http://its-dominica.blogspot.co.uk/
    Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

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  16. Sometime accepting things and looking for remedy is the best way to live at peace.... wishing the peace and pleasure always remains in your lives. Happy anniversary Elsie

    Enjoy the Christmas occasion and celebrate well as family :)

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  17. Hey Elsie,

    Ah yes, cheating folks can have quite the impact. I remember my pregnant wife sitting in the living room. Trouble is, I wasn't the father of the baby.

    Happy, thoughtful anniversary to you. Verbalisation is a powerful tool.

    Now then, where the hell is the tin man?

    Gary

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  18. It's amazing how far you've come! ! Every time something awful happens I always think that I'll never get threw it, but we always do. We are more pliable then we let ourselves believe.

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  19. Ten years of marriage... How a bout that? Yes, that sure is awesome, Elsie. I hope X-mas was as good for you as it was for me.

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  20. Funny, but I’m thinking no, too. Five years already... Unbelievable.

    Just stopping by to say HAPPY NEW YEAR, ELSIE! (Yes, I'm shouting.)

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