Monday, November 23, 2015

Quotes of Steven Wright

from Google
Since most Americans will be talking about Thanksgiving and things they're grateful for, I thought I’d go a different direction. I mean, c’mon, I bore you guys with gratitude talk all year long because it’s part of my twelve-step program. Instead, let’s highlight the comic genius of Steven Wright with some of his best quotes:
  • I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  • Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
  • Half the people you know are below average.
  • 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

  • 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

  • A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  • If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

  • All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend....but she left me before we met.

  • OK, so what's the speed of dark?

  • How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

  • If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.

  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

  • When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

  • Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

  • I intend to live far, so good.

  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

  • My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  • The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

  • The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
  • Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

  • If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
To my American friends, Happy Thanksgiving and to all my other blogger buddies, be well! I think we'll put our tree up this weekend, anyone else excited about the upcoming holidays? How about shopping? Mine is just about done. We decided to make it a more "economical" Christmas this year so I didn't have much to shop for.

As a side note, my blog will "go quiet" for a bit. I will be taking a break from blogging until after the New Year and focus on my writing. You may see me from time to time but perhaps not. Everyone enjoy your holidays. Merry Christmas and here's to a Happy and Healthy New Year!

Monday, November 9, 2015

And She's Back!

*From someplace on Facebook*

The past week has been one filled with lots of self-reflection. I can happily say that I’m in a much better place than I was just a week ago. I’ve found my serenity again. I think I needed to be on that slippery slope for a bit to appreciate just how far I’ve come and to recognize my own stagnation.

Helping others during their time of need is great for me. It lifts my spirits and feeds my soul. But it doesn’t keep me focused on myself and if I’m not focused on myself, at least part of the time, I can slide back into dark places and bad habits. And, yes, perhaps even addiction.

So, I'm thankful for that scary place I was in because it brought me to where I am today:

from Google images

I'm more aware of what I have than what I don't have…or what I think I need I'm in need of. And diving back into my recovery books has helped me see that again. It's like a crack on the head with a hammer that I needed. 

But most of all, I'm thankful to all of you. Your kind words and support last week meant the world. Really. I came back and read them several times and was genuinely touched by how caring all of you are. Thank you! You guys are the best!

Monday, November 2, 2015

Slips Are Still Possible…For Me

Insanity crept in

My plate wasn’t too full to blog last week. My mind was. Funny thing about being an addict, it doesn’t seem to matter how long I’ve been sober, there will be times life will test my sobriety and as I wrote this last week, I was in that time.

I’m emotionally hurt. A damaged soul who, even with the proper tools at hand, can’t always right the ship immediately. It can take some time to process the hurt and even longer to recognize the pain even exists. And in this case it had for some time. It’d been building for weeks.

Days ago, I couldn’t have put my thoughts into coherent sentences. My mind was too muddled and confused. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to drive fast, sit on the edge of the seat on roller coasters (literally), and take crazy chances. I just knew I needed to be reckless. I wanted to fill a void but didn’t know why. I craved to feel some kind of rush and that’s dangerous for an addict.

After reflection, I know the whys (there are several) and I have to figure out how to emotionally fix it. It doesn’t matter that common sense tells my addicted brain how stupid and irresponsible it would be to act out. Will I? Probably not. But that doesn’t stop my brain from fantasizing about numbing my pain by getting high. What a relief it would be…at least temporarily.

What I find fascinating is that if you saw me strolling down the street, you’d never know. I look fine. I look normal. I smile, I chit chat with my co-workers and hold the door open for strangers. But inside I’m tormented. I’ve thrown up my white flag of surrender.

The chinks in my armor are showing. The cement wall of my recovery has become a sheer curtain. I can reach through and ruin my sobriety in an instant.

I’ve done the right things to keep me on the sober path; I’ve reached out to a program member, I’ve talked to Devin about the seriousness of the situation, I’m journaling, I pulled out my affirmation cards (those things are so awesome) and am going to hit up an NA meeting.

The insanity lifts a few days later

I was sitting in the car dealership waiting for my repair to be finished when my phone rang. Unknown number. Normally I would’ve ignored it. My gut (God) told me to answer it. It was a program call. A newbie in distress. God put her in my path for a reason. I listened to her as I drove to the tobacco store to start my newest addiction. Vaping. It’s better than cigarettes. And it’s definitely better than drugs, folks.

We shared many of the same experiences, past drug addictions being one of them. She recently suffered a relapse and hearing her utter those words scared the ever-living shit out of me.

Relapse. How easy it is to fall back into.

I was grateful to have been sitting in the parking lot of a tobacco store and not downtown trying to score blow, speed, meth, or whatever else I could get my hands on at the moment. It very easily could’ve been my next stop; I was feeling that low.

Not only did hearing her tale scare me, it humbled me. It sobered me. More than any meeting I could’ve sat through.

So, I did what I would’ve told any sponsee: go back to the basics. I took care of me: I read (a very funny read by the way); I studied program material; I worked on my sequel; I watched mindless comedies and reality television; I took some time off from chores and cooking and accepted help from Devin and the kids. Most of all, I talked to Devin. I shared why I felt such tremendous pain. And that was healing. 

Funny. I was going to forgo counseling for a while to save some money. Think I’ll skip the hair salon instead.

Grey hairs are better than a black soul.

I’m looking forward to a much better week. You?