Thursday, April 30, 2015

It’s Coming to Life

Abby something
Abby…Normal? 
I can’t believe I have over four years in recovery from the Relational Trauma that my husband’s sex addiction triggered. Four years. It seems like such a long time.

But, then again, not all of those years could be called a healthy recovery. So, perhaps it’s better to say four years since the disclosure and three years in a healthy recovery. Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket.

Cue Jon Lovitz’s character, The Pathological Liar, from SNL J


I don’t usually reflect on how long I’ve been in recovery because it’s become so ingrained in my every day life. I still utilize my toolbox full of recovery techniques, make program calls, see a counselor, and read a daily reader every morning or evening. And, I’m happy to say there are some great apps that have come out since I’ve been in recovery too. My favorite at the moment is Recovery RX (No, I wasn’t paid for that. They’re just that good).

This reflection stemmed from me finally digging into my self-help book again. I mean really getting into the nitty gritty of it all. I’d previously removed the background stories because it’s meant to be a self-help book so why fill it with autobiography kinda stuff, right? But my gut instinct felt (and my CP agreed) that those stories could help the reader relate. Remind them that they’re not alone in their journey.

A few months ago when I started to write those experiences back into the book again, I found I couldn’t use my usual snarky sense of humor. I sounded scorned. I was still stinging from the reminder I get hit with every December . And I was still raw from his recent slips. I’d lost that levity I wanted to bring to a very serious addiction. So, I decided to put the book aside for a couple of months to allow myself time to feel whole again.

Now as I’m rewriting it, it's coming to life. I’m able to find that humor that got me through some of the roughest times four years ago because I’m feeling emotionally stable again. As I said in my last post – Life is good. I’m also able to remember those painful memories and use that hurt to make my writing better instead of sounding so jaded by the addiction.

I’m in a much better place emotionally and I think it’s starting to show in my writing again. It’s no longer boring instructions on how to heal from the trauma, it’s developing into something interesting with a clear sense of Elsie. I’m really digging it and that makes me want to keep working on it.

I’m in a great place and I hope you are too.

Have you ever lost the drive to something only to pick it up again sometime later and find that passion again?




30 comments:

  1. The book is meant to heal and you needed to be in a healed position to write it. That makes total sense. Glad you have found that passion - and your sense of humor - once again. You will change lives with that book, Elsie.

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    1. So true, Alex. I had to be in the right frame of mind to write this book to avoid sounding too harsh. I wanted it to a truer reflection of my personality and now that's shining through. I hope I can help someone with it. Thanks for your vote of confidence, it means a lot.

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  2. What? You stopped whining and went another way? That is just going to confuse the cat. The world will end now, unless you do a migraine post and then all will be right lol

    Sense of humor can sure carry us through a lot of crap. Good you can look back and see how far you've come and enjoy the flow of the writing

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    1. Got to keep you on your toes, cat. Like every time I visit your blog there's a new header or when you change up your profile picture. Change can be good but yeah, I need to whine about migraine and fibro pain a bit more so everyone doesn't forget the "real" me. haha

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  3. LIFE IS good! And not just because the alternative is so much worse.

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  4. I love you, girlfriend. That is all.
    Oh, and I always think of you in relation to "Abby normal?" Smiles!

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    1. I love you too, my dear friend! You are one awesome lady. I just love that movie. Time for me to watch it again!

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  5. It’s no longer boring instructions on how to heal from the trauma, it’s developing into something interesting with a clear sense of Elsie. I’m really digging it and that makes me want to keep working on it.

    And that's making ME want to read it! It's good you've found your humor again, and I'm hoping you can use it in a way that conveys you're looking at the bright side, not making fun of a serious ordeal. It's a delicate balance, but if anyone can do it, I'm sure you can.

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    1. I'm so glad you're still willing to read it, Bryan. You saw the original - poor you! And, then I ripped it apart only to do it again and that one failed too. You've been through the ringer with this book o' mine. I'm hoping I found that delicate balance. It took a couple of times, but I think I'm finally there. Thanks for sticking with me.

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  6. Yes life is good and you will find that working on the book will come at it's own time it can't be forced

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    1. I totally agree. When I try to force my writing, you can definitely tell. It just sounds hallow.

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  7. Glad to hear you're in a better place now and reflecting on the journey! Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks for continuing to share that journey with me.

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  8. Life is indeed good, best wishes always!

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  9. Life is good. But for me there is always room for improvements. Humor always makes any situation easier to deal with. And people wonder why I'm so goofy!

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    1. Having a good sense of humor really does help me get through some of the toughest times. Glad to see you're still alive Dan! haha

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  10. I'm so happy to hear how far you've come and what a good place you are in now. And Devin deserves a shout out too for his hard work and dedication to recovery and your relationship.

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    1. I totally agree - Devin deserves a huge shout out. Had he not worked so hard, my butt would've left long ago :)

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  11. The healthiest thing we can do is release the sting from trauma. When we can get to the place that we remember it, but it doesn't hurt us in the present, well that's the goal. The best thing to help me get there is tapping therapy, but I believe it can be achieved in all manner of ways. I'm glad you've reached a place where you can work on your book and give it the richness that it deserves.

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    1. I'm so happy tapping therapy works for you. I've never tried it myself. I used guided imagery, brainstorming, and meditation to get me through the worst of times.

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  12. Life is good and so it is, smiles ~ I am happy to read that all is well with you Elsie ~ Writing is my off and on thing, sometimes it comes, sometimes I don't feel the need to write and blog at all ~ Enjoy your week ~

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    1. I think I'm in line with you on the blogging front. Life got a bit too busy and it was a nice break to take from blogging but if I'm gone too long, I definitely miss it. Have a beautiful week!

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  13. Writing about it is often very healing even though it is emotional to revisit the tough times. I have definitely let something slide because I felt exhausted by it and unmotivated only to revisit it later and feel even more invigorated than when I started. Sometimes we have to let it go for it to come back again even better

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    1. Very true, Birgit. Writing is a great healing tool. I had to be in the right place to bring it to a book though. Writing it out in journal was one thing, but trying to help someone go through it, quite another. So, it was a bit of a transition, but I did it :) Revisiting something can be exactly what we need to do. Putting things down for a bit give us that healthy break.

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  14. To answer the question you pose... yes repeatedly!!! Music, guitar playing, recovery and connection with the fellowship - all those have gone through dips at times and then come back stronger.

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    1. Well, hello, Graham! Good to see you. I think things in our lives tend to ebb and flow with time. The important thing is that we go back to it.

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Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm here to help any way I can.