I can’t believe I have over four years in recovery from the Relational Trauma that my husband’s sex addiction triggered. Four years. It seems like such a long time.
But, then again, not all of those years could be called a healthy recovery. So, perhaps it’s better to say four years since the disclosure and three years in a healthy recovery. Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket.
Cue Jon Lovitz’s character, The Pathological Liar, from SNL J
I don’t usually reflect on how long I’ve been in recovery because it’s become so ingrained in my every day life. I still utilize my toolbox full of recovery techniques, make program calls, see a counselor, and read a daily reader every morning or evening. And, I’m happy to say there are some great apps that have come out since I’ve been in recovery too. My favorite at the moment is Recovery RX (No, I wasn’t paid for that. They’re just that good).
This reflection stemmed from me finally digging into my self-help book again. I mean really getting into the nitty gritty of it all. I’d previously removed the background stories because it’s meant to be a self-help book so why fill it with autobiography kinda stuff, right? But my gut instinct felt (and my CP agreed) that those stories could help the reader relate. Remind them that they’re not alone in their journey.
A few months ago when I started to write those experiences back into the book again, I found I couldn’t use my usual snarky sense of humor. I sounded scorned. I was still stinging from the reminder I get hit with every December . And I was still raw from his recent slips. I’d lost that levity I wanted to bring to a very serious addiction. So, I decided to put the book aside for a couple of months to allow myself time to feel whole again.
Now as I’m rewriting it, it's coming to life. I’m able to find that humor that got me through some of the roughest times four years ago because I’m feeling emotionally stable again. As I said in my last post – Life is good. I’m also able to remember those painful memories and use that hurt to make my writing better instead of sounding so jaded by the addiction.
I’m in a much better place emotionally and I think it’s starting to show in my writing again. It’s no longer boring instructions on how to heal from the trauma, it’s developing into something interesting with a clear sense of Elsie. I’m really digging it and that makes me want to keep working on it.
I’m in a great place and I hope you are too.
Have you ever lost the drive to something only to pick it up again sometime later and find that passion again?