Thursday, April 30, 2015

It’s Coming to Life

Abby something
I can’t believe I have over four years in recovery from the Relational Trauma that my husband’s sex addiction triggered. Four years. It seems like such a long time.

But, then again, not all of those years could be called a healthy recovery. So, perhaps it’s better to say four years since the disclosure and three years in a healthy recovery. Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket.

Cue Jon Lovitz’s character, The Pathological Liar, from SNL J

I don’t usually reflect on how long I’ve been in recovery because it’s become so ingrained in my every day life. I still utilize my toolbox full of recovery techniques, make program calls, see a counselor, and read a daily reader every morning or evening. And, I’m happy to say there are some great apps that have come out since I’ve been in recovery too. My favorite at the moment is Recovery RX (No, I wasn’t paid for that. They’re just that good).

This reflection stemmed from me finally digging into my self-help book again. I mean really getting into the nitty gritty of it all. I’d previously removed the background stories because it’s meant to be a self-help book so why fill it with autobiography kinda stuff, right? But my gut instinct felt (and my CP agreed) that those stories could help the reader relate. Remind them that they’re not alone in their journey.

A few months ago when I started to write those experiences back into the book again, I found I couldn’t use my usual snarky sense of humor. I sounded scorned. I was still stinging from the reminder I get hit with every December . And I was still raw from his recent slips. I’d lost that levity I wanted to bring to a very serious addiction. So, I decided to put the book aside for a couple of months to allow myself time to feel whole again.

Now as I’m rewriting it, it's coming to life. I’m able to find that humor that got me through some of the roughest times four years ago because I’m feeling emotionally stable again. As I said in my last post – Life is good. I’m also able to remember those painful memories and use that hurt to make my writing better instead of sounding so jaded by the addiction.

I’m in a much better place emotionally and I think it’s starting to show in my writing again. It’s no longer boring instructions on how to heal from the trauma, it’s developing into something interesting with a clear sense of Elsie. I’m really digging it and that makes me want to keep working on it.

I’m in a great place and I hope you are too.

Have you ever lost the drive to something only to pick it up again sometime later and find that passion again?

Monday, April 20, 2015

Where do I begin?

Where do I begin?

 Honestly, I’m not sure. I’ve been gone from the blogging world for six weeks. Seems like a lifetime ago (exaggerate much, Elsie?).

I’ll start by saying I’m in great place right now.

Life is good.

The rush at work is over and I can breath again. What was supposed to only be a seasonal job turned into an all year round job and that’s great news for me. The owner of the company I work for also gets migraines which means the people I work with are compassionate about it versus the whole, “It’s all in your head” mentality.

Although it’s a part-time job, it suits my needs. I can get out of the house and feel productive without overloading my poor fibro’d body. Then, when I’m done with work I chill out in my awesome new massage chair. That thing rocks.

On the home front, things were a bit rocky after I updated my boundary agreement with Devin. He felt that all too familiar feeling of dread because it contains deadlines for certain things regarding his recovery. Rather than talk to me about it, he held it in and then the animosity started showing up in different ways.

Eventually, we sat down and talked about it and of course, things went much smoother after that. He’s found a new determination in his approach to his recovery. As for mine, well, I deeply miss my weekly meetings but I’m still able to reach out to a woman in my group and help others in the S-Anon program by being a sponsor. Helping others really helps me stay in a healthy recovery.

And finally on the writing front, I finished my next round of edits on my mob book. It was a painstaking process because I had to remove all the double spacing I had in there along with adding in those blasted emotions I neglected to show the first time around. But, I’m glad it’s done.

While I wait for the critique to come back, I plan on working on my self-help book. It’s been difficult to work on because of the memories it tends to bring up, but I’ll move through them and be a better person because of it and hopefully be able to help others too.

I hope to have them both finished – revisions and all – by the end of the year.

So, what have I missed in the blogosphere? What have you guys been up to? How’s the A-Z Challenge going? Anyone else close to finishing up something that's taken forever to do?