Monday, September 15, 2014

How It Develops

Hand in hand, we strolled through the counselor’s front doors.  Two couples ahead of us made their way into the conference room across the way.  I saw the white light of a large projector fill the room.  On the screen were five black words:

Sex Addiction: How it Develops

Devin and I entered the chair-filled room.  We took our seats in the back and made ourselves comfortable.  We had fifteen minutes before the presentation started.  As more people entered the room, Devin held my hand, and nodded to the men he knew.

My stomach tightened.  Why was I so nervous?  These people were here for the same reason we were.  They wanted to learn more about the addiction that plagued our families.  

I took a sip of water from my ice filled Camelbak and looked around.  Just like my husband, they were normal looking people.  You’d never know they all shared the common bond of sex addiction. 

Our counselor walked over and gave us each a hug, then settled into a seat behind us.  The room had the hushed tones of every anon meeting I’d attended. We all waited for the family counselor from Keystone Recovery too arrive.

The moment the doctor walked in, the room fell silent.  Devin’s hand tightened around mine as the counselor spoke.  I felt my head bob up and down as he talked about the similar backgrounds addicts shared; physical and/or emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment, or parents with substance abuse, just to name a few. 

Study after study showed the men and women who suffered from the addiction were unable to connect with anyone on an intimate level.  These addicts had been programmed from infancy to protect themselves by not allowing anyone into their personal thoughts and feelings.    

The addicts struggled with the ability to share their emotions with their partners for fear of rejection.  Their personalities ranged from arrogant, self-assured, or completely withdrawn from those who loved them the most.

When the lecture concluded, questions were asked.  The people in the room wanted to know how to prevent relapses, when it was save to have sex with their partner again, and how to move through their steps properly.

As we filed out of the room, I heard him say he was off to give another lecture the following day.  He’d been around the world, informing people about sex addiction.  It gave me hope that one day it’d make it into the DSM as an addiction and not a personality disorder.  

One day.

Wednesday I’m leaving town for a week to visit with my brother and mother.  Enjoy your week everyone!

Monday, September 8, 2014

Never Forget

With the anniversary of 9/11 upon us, I thought now would be an appropriate time to share my pictures of the memorial.  I only took a couple because it just didn’t feel right snapping a bunch of photos in the very spot where so many people lost their loved ones.

One World Trade Center

One of two reflecting pools

Video of reflection pool

ETA:  I woke up with a migraine so I may not get to your posts today.  I'll be around as soon as I'm feeling better.  Have a great Monday, my Hooligans!

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Who Cares What People Think? - IWSG Post

Join in on the fun!
Happy Anniversary IWSG!!

It’s the first Wednesday of the month and you know what that means - it’s time for the Insecure Writer's Support Group.  Our lovely co-hosts are:  Laura at My Baffling Brain, Mark Koopmans, Shah Wharton, and Sheena-Kay Graham.    Be sure and thank them for their hard work.

A big thanks to Alex Cavanaugh for making it happen, you rock, Alex!

Funny how things show up in my email just when I need to read them.  As most of you know, I’ve been working on a self-help book about recovering from finding out your partner is a sex addict. I want spouses to avoid making the same mistakes I did after I found out about my husband’s addiction.  I provide tips and coping mechanisms to get through the relational trauma that comes from the discovery of the addiction.

As I write, there is this lingering doubt in the back of my head that this book will help anyone or turn out the way I want it to.  I fear what other people will think about the advice I give or how well the book is written.

The other day, I was letting those insecurities creep in when I came across this in my email:

You’re right, Kristen Wiig, it is dangerous to worry what other people think (and you were great in my favorite comedy, Bridesmaids!). 

I need to remember why I started this book - I couldn’t find anyone who’d written anything like it four years ago except doctors and counselors.  I figured who better to share advice than someone who has been through it?  

Recently, I found a couple of books on Amazon written by the spouses of sex addicts and I am excited.  It means that we are starting to have a voice, that the addiction is being taken seriously, and that gives me hope.  

I can’t wait until I have finished writing my book so I can join them on Amazon!
I couldn't help but post this.  It cracks me up.