Monday, August 11, 2014

Why Ruin Lunch?


“What’s wrong?” Devin asked.

“Nothing.  I’m fine,” I answered.

“Bull. Something’s wrong.  I can see it in your face,” he stated.

The waitress came over and took our order.  I hoped her brief interruption would force Devin to change the subject.  It didn’t.

“Well?” he asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” 

I busied myself with the silverware.  He took out his cellphone and checked his email. Several minutes ticked by.  After a few more minutes, we were finally ready to move on with our lunch date.  The awkward moment a thing of the past.

On the car ride home, I told Devin what happened in the restaurant.  I triggered and I didn't want to ruin lunch talking about his sex addiction.  He figured as much but it took him by surprise, it’d been so long since I’d had one.  I agreed, I hadn’t had a trigger in months.  But, that’s how they work, they just pop up out of nowhere.  Usually at the worst times.  Like when I’m trying to enjoy a lunch date with your hubby.

So, now what?  

Well, I guessed I needed to take a look at what I’d done this summer with my recovery work.  Ugh, that was painful.  With no meetings to attend, I allowed my recovery to grow stagnant.  And, since Devin’s recovery was going well, I hadn’t worried about my own.  I was complacent.  Not good.  Not good at all.

I needed to get myself back on track.  For me, that means helping someone who is going through what I’ve been through.  I checked our S-Anon email and answered several inquires about our meetings.  One of the women responded back to me in minutes.  I assured her she wasn’t alone.  Several years ago, I walked the same path she was navigating now.  I let her know that things did get better.  All it took was work.  It was a great reminder for me.

That done, I set to work on my self-help book.  The more I do, the closer I’ll be to getting it published so I can make it easier for others in this crazy world of sex addiction. That’s my hope anyway.  

Do have a project you've been putting off?  How do you motivate yourself?


As you know, I was on vacation and as tempting as it is to bore you with pictures, I’ll spare you.  At least with this post.  I make no promises for any upcoming posts.  So, please bear with me while I catch up on everyone’s blogs.

33 comments:

  1. I'm sorry! Glad you were able to reach out to someone else though. Helping someone else usually helps us as well.
    Keep working on that book. You'll be a blessing to so many others.

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    1. Thanks, Alex. I really hope my book will help people. There aren't any out there (the last I checked) written by a person who has been through it, only by psychiatrists and such. I thought this might be a bit easier to read. Someone who has been there, done that.

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  2. It sounds like you need to start those meetings again soon.

    I put off writing my pub & promo book forever. No idea why, since I had all the material from my seminars right there in front of me.

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    1. I'm hoping the meetings will start up again once summer is over. I already decided that someone other than me is going to have to run them. I did it for a long time, I need a break. =P

      I don't know what's stopping me either. I think it's just more fun to let my imagination run wild than it is to write about "real" stuff.

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  3. Bet your book will be a hit as you give advice and throw in a little wit. Just avoid the one eye on the cover as you may scare people away haha and at least you know what you have to do to get back on track.

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    1. I hope someone out there can get some use out of my book. Nah, no one eye anywhere. Just footsteps in the sand but I think you already know that. haha

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    2. lol that I do. Oh yeah, did you use the golden loo? lmao

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  4. i hear you...it is easy to allow things to grow complacent, especially when they are going good...we do it in all things....even our writing....i am glad you noticed though...and can get back on track...

    editting a book right now...a coolab book i am self-publishing...other than that, jsut getting ready for the school year.

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    1. Ah, yes, you go back to school soon. My son returned to college early this year. He had some corps stuff to take care of before the new cadets arrived. So, our "school year" has already begun.

      I'm glad to hear you're working on a book. If it's anywhere close to what you have posted right now, it's gonna kick major butt!!

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  5. Ah dear I understanf you so well.
    Really I hope you are doing well.
    Sometimes we are tired isn't?
    I hope your book going well Im sure will be amazinv.
    You are an amazinh writer and beautiful person Elsie.
    Hugs♡♥♡♥

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    1. You are far too kind, Gloria. I enjoy writing and I think the more I do it, the better I get but I still have a ways to go :)

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  6. Go ahead, bore us with photos! I hope you had a great vacation!

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    1. I may just have to do it. I mean, you know, for you guys haha

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  7. I have a wife that like to motivate me...get out of bed and go to work! I joke, but that little push in the morning helps me start my day. Good on you for helping others with the same issues.

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    1. My hubby needs that little motivation on the weekends. Sometimes I do too or I'll just sit around all day and play on Blogger!

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    2. I've got a wife that needs to be motivated, but sometimes I'm the wrong person to do so. Sometimes the people who are really close to you somehow are the wrong people to try and motivate you. Does that sound familiar to you?

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  8. I admire your perseverance. I'd have so many triggers were I dealing with a partner with sex addiction, I wouldn't be able to stick around.

    Yes, I need to get back to writing my novel! Other things have taken precedence. Let me re-phrase that, I'm onto a tough chapter, so I'd decided to prioritize other things.

    Be well, Elsie.

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    1. Many partners find it too difficult to stick around after they find out their spouse is a sex addict. It's a hard and bitter pill to swallow at first. After some time though, it gets easier.

      I got that way with my book. I happened upon a tough area in it and it stopped me in my tracks. I just need to do it! Good luck with yours.

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  9. It has been a long while since you've had a trigger. But yeah, I can see why it would happen without the S-anon meetings and I hope that gets started up again soon. In the meantime, it's good to hear you're working on the book again.

    Please do post some pics of your vacation. We'd all love to see them.

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    1. I hope they do too. It became such a part of my every day life that it's strange not to have them to turn to during the week. Fingers crossed someone picks them back up.

      Maybe I'll post some pictures next week. I admit, I have some great ones to share!

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  10. Well...
    I want to have something to say, here, but my mind is blank.
    Too much chaos, maybe.

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    1. It can be a tough subject to comment on. I totally get it, Andrew. Thanks for popping by!

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  11. It is a shame that groups and meetings take a hiatus during the summer or Christmas etc... It is not like the person is aok during these times. I commend you for being able to talk about this and finding someone who will listen which is no easy feat. I have been very bad in not getting back to swimming. I have been unwell all of July but I need to motivate myself. How can I find such motivation to eat chocolate but find excuses not to go swimming or eating carrots?

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    1. I've never experienced an anon group going on hiatus before, it feels strange. You're right, usually during the holidays, the person is worse, not a-okay. I hope you get back to feeling better soon, Birgit and you're able to return to swimming. I love to swim, such great exercise but I don't get to do it very often.

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  12. Enjoy vacation and take your time with blogging ~ Summer is too short ~ I like how you handled the triggers and helped another woman by encouraging her in the same journey ~ My current project right now is renovating and fixing the house and it will take one year to do it ~ Just little bits here and there with my hubby so its not too tiring to do ~ Have a great week ~

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    1. You are a woman blessed with patience. One year of a home renovation - that's quite a stretch. I plan on painting the hallways when Peanut is back in school. That's about as renovating I'll be over the next year =P

      Be well and have a fantastic week.

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  13. Sorry you had a setback in your recovery but you are doing a great job dealing with it though. I'd love to see your vacation pics!

    I've been putting a lot of stuff off lately because I've been busy enjoying the first nice summer since I moved here. When it's sunny and nice I just want to go out shooting pics!!!

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    1. It has been a very mild summer here. Same by you, huh? We usually get up into the mid to upper 90's but this summer hasn't been too bad. Enjoy all these gorgeous day summer is giving us!

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  14. That's the thing with triggers isn't it? You just never know when they're going to come or where they're going to come.

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  15. It's great that you can take these situations and know they mean you should help people. I'm sure it takes a while to make that connection too, right?

    I've been putting off a few projects, but I'm getting everything under control so next month actually looks good for me. Wink.

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  16. Hey you... I've been absent with health issues... blah...

    You are writing a book? I've been told that I need to write, but I have no dea what i would write about... evidently others see stories in my Life that I miss...

    I'm going to read comments and may come back and add to this...

    ~shoes~

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    1. OK. I wanna see vacation photos...

      ~shoes~

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  17. I think that's the way it works with any addiction. The further you get from it, the easier it is to face, but if you slip... I admire anyone who can get past a major addiction and change.

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Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm here to help any way I can.