Saturday, April 26, 2014

"W" is for What If?: A-Z Challenge

Warning:  F Bomb Ahead
illustrated by Rob Z Tobor

W is for What If?

What if I never married my first husband?

         I never would have experienced love and loss
                                                                        Death blooms

What if I never experienced drug addiction?

         I never would have walked a mile in someone’s shoes
                                                                        And worn out the souls

What if I never lost my dad when I was young?

         I never would have mothered as he fathered
                                                                        Family talks, silence
                                                                                                  stalks

What if I never lost my mother to Alzheimer’s?
        
         I never would have laughed at the(r) insanity
                                                                        Until it was only sane
                                                               To it I say     
                                                                                    f
                                                                                     u
                                                                                       c
                                                                                         k
                                                                                            off

What if I never married a sex addict?

         I never would have three pointed back at me
                                                               weapons cocked and loaded
                                                                   ammo of scrutiny 

~~~@

This post is part of the A-Z Challenge.  Wanna see more?





36 comments:

  1. You would not have become the person of strength you are now.
    Although it would be nice not to have to go through crap to get there, right?

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    1. True, it would have been nice but I believe we are given only what can handle and we are given it for reason. Even if we don't always know what that reason is. I really can't complain. Well, okay, I can but who would listen? hehehe

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  2. Very powerful. You have survived a lot!

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    1. And I learned a ton as a result. I've led a full, rich life, and I'm only 44 =)

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  3. I think that if you'd not been an addict yourself, your willingness to grab onto your husband and hold on when he revealed his own addiction, wouldn't have been there. It is only because you know what addiction is (and how it invades every aspect of your life) that you had compassion and understanding. No, the addictions were not the same, but the core of addiction is always the same. And you got that. And you stuck by him. And that changed both of your lives for the better.

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    1. Totally agree, Robin. I think if I hadn't walked in the same shoes myself, I wouldn't have the unique understanding of what he went through. I wouldn't be able have such empathy to understand it was the addiction that caused him to do what he did, that it wasn't anything I did or did not do.

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  4. "Ammo of scrutiny" -- nice image and phrase! Do you give the "f-bomb warning" because some people get upset by that language? It would never occur to me.

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    1. Thanks, Debra. I appreciate that. I'm not very good with poetry. I like to give it a shot (get it?) every so often. Since I'm in the Challenge, I thought I'd give out the warning, just in case. Don't want to upset anyone.

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  5. You did the F bomb, first time I've seen that here in a while, it is so offensive to my virgin ears lol

    Yeah always a what if, then if the opposite happens, we'd be left thinking what if, most times, about what we currently have. Can never win, unless you're a psychic and can see all paths or a time traveler, other than that, nope screwed.

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    1. It's been a long time since I dropped the F bomb. I think you'll be okay though. You're pretty nasty. haha

      That what if used to eat me alive until I realized I had to accept my life as it was and live in the here and now. Make those positive changes rather than be stuck in the past. Now, if I were a psychic…I'd be making some good dough! Like that Theresa chick!!!

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  6. When I saw the F-bomb warning I went Yeeehhaaaw, Elsie is cursing again! You put it where it belonged and I don't think anyone would be offended.

    Without all those trials you'd be somebody else and wouldn't have been equipped for all the things life has brought you over the last several years. You wouldn't be strong enough or wise enough. The poem was well executed and the imagery evocative.

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    1. Remember those days, Anne? Good Lord, I cursed all the time on here. And, in real life too. I settled down quite a bit all the way around. Of course, when I head home, all bets are off. They curse way too much up there and it just rubs off.

      I agree, that saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" is around for a reason.

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  7. What if...we will never be what we are now ~ And you will never be the Elsie that you are now ~

    So in a way, we are thankful for the challenges because we are a better person, a better wife, daughter, etc ~

    Happy weekend Elsie ~

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    1. I'm definitely thankful for all I've been through and all that lies ahead. I know there will be challenges but I feel I'm better prepared now than I was before, no matter what they may be. Have a beautiful weekend!

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  8. Thanks for sharing this with us Elsie. I have enjoyed all of your posts (though I think I missed about three, I plan to go back and find them).

    Anyway, I have enjoyed your personal journey.

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    1. You are a sweetheart! I appreciate you following along on this journey of mine. It's been a fun ride.

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  9. oh dear all we have a lot of questions around in our head, I think always What really think the kids about be adopted?
    They will know some day more about her mom? What they think about me like mom?
    etc.etc.

    Why my sister travel a lot and me not? lol this is true bue a joke, Im happy with my house and kids and hubby:)

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    1. Those are great questions, Gloria. My mom feared the same thing about me. Always wondered if I'd search out my "real" mom and dad. I reassured her that she was my real mom because she was the one who raised me and that's what made a parent the "real" parent…just like you, my friend!!! xoxo

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    2. Thanks Elsie yes the twins say that too, but anyway we always think you know!
      Anyway I know they love me I feel that:)
      xo

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  10. Oh, that poem is so inspiring, and so indicative of how strong you are. We're stronger than we realize, sometimes.
    I might try my own 'what if'... :)

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    1. Aw, thanks. I don't think I'm any stronger than anyone else, I'm just more vocal =P

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  11. Glad to see you are still going strong through the Alphabet. . . . The A to Z will soon be over but what if there was no A to Z. . . . .

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    1. Then I wouldn't be so behind on commenting! Gah!!!

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  12. Good one Elsie, love the poem - short and strong and good. I really look upto you and Anne. You both are very strong and inspirational. You have been through lot and came out strong. Awesome and hats off to you Elsie.

    Ok, about that cursing warning, where is the curse word? my kid when he was around 2 or 3 whenever he heard someone sneeze he would say "@#ck you" sincerely and with care and would expect a thank you in return. I don't know whether it was me who said "f@K you" instead of "bless you". One of my worst parent moment. :)

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    1. Thanks, mamtc. I adore, Anne. She is one tough cookie. Smart as a whip too. And holy cow, is that woman talented or what? Between writing, painting and her past job - just wow. She is one amazing woman. The curse word was in a drop down kind of thing up there. That's hilarious about your son. Kids are so funny when they are learning how to speak. So sweet and innocent. Funny!

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  13. Elsie, it is Women like you I celebrate or call to celebrate with my W post - Phenomenal Woman, one of strength and great Faith. Cheers, Marie at http://myeverydaypersonal.blogspot.be/

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  14. Hi ELise - you've expressed so much in this amazing post - I can hear the anguish, yet can see the strength - my thoughts and all the best for the future .. Hilary

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  15. Hi ELise - you've expressed so much in this amazing post - I can hear the anguish, yet can see the strength - my thoughts and all the best for the future .. Hilary

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  16. Life is full of 'what ifs,' I think...

    For any one thing that we love... or wish it hadn't happened, it is probably something we benefited from from one of those 'what if' moments...

    There are many examples...

    I hope all is well with you...

    I am enjoying reading your blog and catching up on you...

    ~shoes~

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    1. It can be hard not to dwell on the what ifs in life. I try not to dwell for too long. Life is full of closed doors. It's okay to keep them closed but not to slam those doors shut and then lock them. Locking them means not being able to examine what's behind them and learning.

      Thanks for stopping by again, shoes!

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  17. There's so much wordplay on here that I know at least most of it is on purpose. I went and read it again. And then a third time. Nice.

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    1. Yep, I tried to get as much word play in there as possible without overstating it too much. Thanks!

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  18. Loved this one, both the way you played with words and the theme. So many people see "what if" as everything they missed instead of looking at what they gained by going through life's trials.

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Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm here to help any way I can.