Thursday, April 24, 2014

"U" is for Unique: A-Z Challenge

U is for Unique

Unique may not be a unique word for the A-Z Challenge.  I’ll bet by the time I’m done writing this post I’ll be tired of the word unique. 

But I think unique applies very well to my situation.  Seriously, how many people have you come across in the A-Z Challenge that are writing about sex addiction?  I think it’s a safe bet I’m the only one.  Making me, well, unique.

Devin and I are also unusual (sorry, I needed a break from the word unique) as a couple.  Not because of how we met.  We met online.  Thousands of partners meet that way. We are exceptional because we stayed together despite his addiction.  Most end up divorced after disclosure.  We are the rare couple that stuck together.

He also found a unique online recovery program immediately after his addiction was diagnosed.  He credits his initial success to Candeo.  It’s dedicated to breaking the cycle of addiction by replacing bad habits with good ones. 

But wait.  There’s more.

It’s unique in theory too.

Why?

Because Candeo believes addiction to porn works the same as addiction to narcotics and alcohol. Dopamine and endorphins rush through the body and create a high when someone views porn. Perceptions become skewed and eventually, intimacy is distorted.  Candeo teaches the addict how to retrain their brain to emotionally connect again.  How to replace unhealthy behaviors with healthier ones.

If you want to learn how Candeo explains the brain-chemical addiction, click the link.  It’s quite fascinating.

They don’t limit themselves to porn addiction either.  They are also helping people living with anxiety and depression.  A great and unique program.  Just like Devin and I..well, we're not a program.  We're in a program.  You know what I mean!

What makes you unique?

 ~~~@

This post is part of the A-Z Challenge.  Wanna see more?




44 comments:

  1. Replacing the bad habits is really the only way to make it work. Because we are creatures of habit. Once we dig a groove, we stay in it until we dig a new one.
    I'm not sure what marks me as unique. Special yes, but unique... not sure.

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    1. When I quit smoking, I had to find something else to do with my hands. I decided on carrots. I had a bag of baby carrots on my desk. Anytime I wanted a cigarette, I ate a carrot instead. Great healthy habit to replace a bad habit, but boy, was I tired of carrots! I'd say you're unique because you're the only blogger I know who seems to be everywhere at once AND you're a ninja!!

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  2. First of all, thanks for Candeo, I may have to look through that. I don't really have the bad porn addiction I used to but I think I'm still fairly disconnected. I would consider myself a little bit of a unique individual. I'm certainly different and a rare breed.

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    1. I hope you like it, Mark. I think it has different price ranges but it's only a six month obligation. Devin kept his for a year before he cancelled it. By the time a year ran out, he wasn't using it daily any more. I also like that if you choose, you can have accountability partners to help you. Friends, family, clergy, counselors, whomever. Cool concept.

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  3. I am trying to replace bad eating habits with good ones and craving my usual poisons of fresh bread and other wheat based foods. I am so glad to read your partner found a good support group/organisation to help break the cycle.
    Am I unique? Probably not. There are likely to be many women just like me. I like to think I may have a few unique quirks that help me not blend into beige.

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    1. I'll bet your more unique than you think you are. I like to believe there is something in all of us that makes us shine and stand out. Good luck with replacing unhealthy eating with good eating. It sounds like you're well on your way!!

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  4. Overcoming addiction is one of the hardest thigns on earth but also one of the most rewarding when successfully done.

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    1. It is so rewarding, even all these years later, I can look back and feel good for overcoming my addiction. I can look at Devin and be proud of him for overcoming his.

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  5. Dr. Shad Helmstetter talks about pathways in the brain and breaking a habit requires laying new pathways.

    We all have things about us that are unique. The first one that comes to mind is have the most unique, crazy story about how I became saved.

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    1. It sounds like Dr. Helmstetter and Candeo share that commonality. Candeo helps people turn their thoughts toward the positive rather than focusing on the negative to avoid getting trapped in their addictive cycle again.

      I would love to read about how you got saved. I remember the day I got saved and it was long ago!

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  6. Elsie, Candeo sounds like a good programme. Replacement works well if you can stick with what's recommended. And yes, I haven't seen your brand of the Challenge before, so it's unique.

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    1. One of my favorite components of what Candeo teaches is FRC - Face it, Replace it and Connect. They allow a partner to join the addict so I learned a lot of what my hubby learned. We still use FRC, especially him. It's a great tool.

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  7. Elsie, you are unique and thanks for sharing.

    I believe I am also unique in that I published my memoir and bared it all out in brutal honesty its title speaks for itself : My Unconventional Loves, My Hurts - My Adulteries - My Redemption (which in some way was my break from those adulteries and that past shameful and hurtful life).

    As Optimistic ... said above, it is truly rewarding when we finally break away

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    1. Thanks, Marie! You are an inspiration for me. I am in the midst of writing/editing my own book about what I went through with Devin's addiction and how I managed to get through it all. Knowing you published your book gives me the confidence I need to keep working on mine. Thanks, again!

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  8. Aw dear Elsie this a beautiful word, really beautiful and you are Unique and special :))
    xo

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    1. You are so sweet and kind, Gloria. You are unique in you're own right. Especially as a mom!! xoxo

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    2. Haha thanks dear but I don't feel sweet today sigh! Im bothered with hubby and tomorrow is our anniversary.
      Men you know.
      Psst but dont tell any in my blog I notice many people read it so I try dont talk about these things:)
      Tomorrow letter V I can't wait what you will put, night dear

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  9. Replacing bad habits with good ones... I think that right there might be the key. When we stop doing anything that is unhealthy it leaves a void. And we can fill it with something healthy or something unhealthy. Being conscious that there is a void and plugging in a healthy thing... that is the key. If you don't... you just change addictions. Not so good...

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    1. Unfortunately, my hubby is familiar with switching addictions. He delved into overeating and buying for a period after recovering from SA. He's doing much better on both fronts. He still stress eats from time to time or will buy small things to fill a void. But, overall, much better than he was right after recovery.

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  10. That is amazing, not just that you've stuck things out but that you've found success with it. That's awesome.

    I always thought I was pretty unique being a jock-ish nerd. Or a nerd-ish jock. Take your pick. In college, which I went to for an IT degree, everyone would be talking about Star Wars or Star Trek and that's just not my thing, so I didn't really fit in. Then again, I could be at the jiu jitsu school hearing some of the bros talk about lifting or trucks or "bitches" and well, I'm not into that either.

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    1. I think it's a unique niche you don't fall into. If that makes sense. It shows your ability to fit in no matter where you are - the gym or an IT department. Although, I could see you fitting in at a syfy convention. Like Comicon or something. You'd blend.

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  11. Unique could be a nice word to describe the cat, instead of off his rocker or something like that haha It does take a lot to switch things off that you have been used to for so long, food was my big one. But thankfully I'm stubborn so I can get things done and not go back.

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    1. Now why would we be nice to the cat, Pat? The cat's not unique, he's a pain in the ass. My ass to be more precise. I'll bet having to learn how to cut out some food was a pain in the ass. But, being stubborn must have helped. I guess if I *had* to stop drinking two Cokes a day, I could. I wouldn't be happy about it. I'd probably whine on here a bit first, but I'd do it. If nothing but to prove to myself that I could. I did it about fifteen or twenty years ago because they said my migraines were caused by caffeine (among other food). But, when it didn't pan out, I started drinking it again. Just not as much.

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    2. the cat loves to be a pain in the ass.

      Yeah but the thing is you have to stick with it for 3-6 months to see any benefit, as it takes a long arse time for your body to dispel things like stupid arse gluten, that i know.

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    3. I can't remember if it was six months but I know it was at least three because I was pretty pissed off at my doctor. He kept me from my beloved Coke!!!

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  12. That is great that you found a unique solution to a unique situation. I always like to hear how couples stick it out no matter what is thrown at them. Life on the other side can be very rewarding.

    Brandon Ax: Writer's Storm

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    1. This was definitely a unique situation for the two of us. First time either of us heard of the addiction. We hear about drug and alcohol addiction often, but rarely this. But, I'm glad we stuck together. He's well worth it.

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  13. Another good post. Tight, well-written and to the point. Love it. Well done you. As for unique, yes you are and I am happy about that. You are one of kind, girl. Keep up the great work.

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    1. Thanks, Ivy. I'm trying to keep them a bit shorter for the Challenge. So many people trying to get to so many posts. Long posts can scare people away, let alone my subject!

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    2. If a post is written well, I don't mind the length. But when it goes on and on and is in need of some chopping, that's when I start skipping lines or stop altogether.

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  14. I am so proud of you for sticking by your husband despite his addiction. It takes a very, VERY strong woman to do that. Although I'm not in your situation, I have one of my own. I am a caregiver, which also takes a very unique and strong person to be. I've been married to him for 24 years. Been caring for him for 12. Most people couldn't handle that. I've seen so many divorces happen to our veterans because of the issues. But I love my husband and I want to do everything I can for him. Make his life easier. And our vows said "through sicker and in health" right?!

    Jamie Dement (LadyJai)
    My A to Z
    Caring for My Veteran

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    1. I think we are given what we can handle. I truly believe that. I also believe in our marriage vows. Through sickness and health isn't limited to a cold. It means the tough stuff like disabilities and addictions too. We don't get to pick and choose what our partners suffer through, we need to be there for them while they go through it. You do a tremendous job yourself!

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  15. Unique is a great word for the letter u.

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  16. Replacing bad habits with good fits lots of areas where people need improvement like exercise and nutrition.

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    1. The same could go with me for exercise. I could always use more of it =)

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  17. You're right - this theme IS unique, and that's one of the (many) reasons I keep coming back to read it. I'm also really curious about Candeo; I've never heard of it, but the theory sounds fascinating.

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    1. Candeo was a lifesaver for my hubby. We recommend it to any newcomer in our situation. I just found out they do programs for people with depression and anxiety. So awesome!

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  18. I'm just all about the unique. I've always gone my own way. Sometimes people follow me, sometimes they don't; I don't much care either way.
    Plus, I seem to be completely unaffected by caffeine or alcohol or dopamine.

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  19. I think they're spot on in their understanding of porn addiction and looking at it this way can lead to better research. And that means better treatment. I imagine that there is a genetic vulnerability, much like there is in other forms of addiction. I'm glad he found a good place to go that will help him understand his addiction.

    I'm a complete nutter and that makes me unique. Yes, there are other nutters out there, but I have my own special brand of weirdness that I've spent a life time developing :0)

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  20. I have heard on the radio that porn addiction is the same as gambling because it gives the same high as dopamine and endorphins. I'm pleased you found the right place for Devin's treatment. It must have been hard on you, and you are unique.
    I must be unique somehow, but I'm not sure how.
    I'm pleased you commented today on my blog, Elsie, because I was trying to remember the name of this blog to visit you. I'm certainly not unique in having a bad memory! Now I've got it, thank you.
    Blessings.

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  21. I am unique I think for the most part.....

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  22. i think with any addiction you have to replace old behaviors with new or they come rushing back...so, i think it is good...my hair is the most obvious unique thing about me...ha....and well probably the way i talk, pretty straightforward, but with care...smiles.

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  23. Addiction is one of the hardest things to fight, and to support someone fighting an addiction needs even more courage. Kudos to you.

    Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2014, My Latest post

    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

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Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm here to help any way I can.