T is for Truth
Today I’m writing about the TRUTH. Cue the dramatic music or play this clip from A Few Good Men:
“You can’t handle the truth!”
Um, yeah, I can. Settle down, Jack.
It seems I’m not alone in my pursuit for the truth either. Bing it and you’ll find hundreds of sayings. (Or Google it, if that’s more your thing. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Bryan.)
Devin was full of
shit lies in the beginning of our
marriage. His sex addiction caused him
to deceive me about everything. He lied
about the store being out of yogurt to not looking at porn. Truth telling was rare back then. It also caused him to
stumble over his falsehoods. It’s hard
to keep lies organized.
When I found out what Devin’s addiction caused him to do, it hurt me like no pain I’d ever felt. I went through the five stages of grief to cope with the loss of what I thought had been our marriage.
I denied what I just learned. It was impossible I had been so damn clueless. That led to anger about the porn and the affairs. I bargained with God, “Please God, don’t let this diagnosis of sex addiction be real. I’ll be a better person if You just make this go away.” I alternated from depression to anger – not just at Devin, but at myself, God, my job, my health – anything to help me from not feeling sad. Finally, I accepted the truth and my reality. I realized his addiction was not my fault but I had some serious work to do - on me.
I discovered that as much as the affairs hurt, the lies hurt more. I felt relieved to finally know the truth after being told it was all in my head. Time after time, I questioned Devin about how much porn he looked at and was told I made a big deal out of nothing. I ignored my gut instincts and trusted in deceits instead. Being told the truth allowed me to start trusting myself again.
Knowing my husband is a sex addict was scary at first. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to handle his diagnosis. It turns out I’m a better person for knowing the truth. It forced me to take a good look at myself and figure out why I accepted his lies as truths. His honesty put me on a path to a great recovery and a happier, healthier marriage than I ever thought we could have.
Have you been lied to?
Did you give the person a second chance or kick them to the curb?
This post is part of the A-Z Challenge. Wanna see more?