Wednesday, April 16, 2014

"N" is for Newcomers: A-Z Challenge

N is for Newcomers

Sometimes I wish there were a way to hang a little wooden shingle on my blog reading, “Newcomers Welcome.”  Like, somehow, that would attract people here. Perhaps it would encourage them to grab a comfy chair, their favorite drink, and dive into my blog without fear.  

That little wooden shingle would symbolize how I felt at my first S-Anon meeting; accepted, understood, and full of hope.  And, let’s be honest, surprised at how many people were effected by this addiction.

I realize the majority of my posts are about a subject most people are not familiar with.  Heck, four years ago, I’d never heard of sex addiction.  That was then, this is now. 

Much has changed in those four years. I went from a blubbering mess on my kitchen floor, to an emotionally stronger woman.  I am able to see the forest for the trees. Denial and enmeshment are not an option.

I want people to feel hopeful when they read my blog.  It’s okay if you don’t know anyone with sex addiction, or any other addiction.  I’m just like most of you. I have a passion for writing, I love to laugh, I enjoy helping others, and I’m a great parent to my kids (just don’t ask them). 

Newcomers here, and at my S-Anon group do wonders for my soul and for my recovery.  They give me a chance to see the person I used to be, serve as a great reminder of how far I’ve come, and how easy it is to return to that emotional chaos.  It’s humbling.

And remember, be nice to the newcomer, they could be your sponsor one day.  Or your editor.

What would your blog shingle say?

~~~@

This post is part of the A-Z Challenge.  Wanna see more?










36 comments:

  1. 'Enter Ninja lair if you dare...'
    Just kidding!
    I'd want something that says people are welcome as well. I know I have a lot of lurkers who look at all my comments and are afraid to leave one. Think my sign would say 'You are appreciated.'

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    1. I love that sign, Alex. I'm stealing it and adding it to my newcomers welcome. haha I remember when I first found your blog. I was like, "who is this Alex guy?" Then, I got to your page - you had JUST posted and already had twenty comments. I came back the next day - scroll, scroll, scroll, - it was pretty intimidating but, I left a comment and before I knew it, here you were!

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  2. I'm surprised that you hadn't heard of sex addiction before your own experiences. Back in the 90s they touched on it with Sam Malone on Cheers. Well to be more specific, he appeared in an episode of Frasier where he'd met and was going to marry a woman he'd met in his SA group (Frasier had also slept with her and did't know she was Sam's g/f). And then actor David Duchovny was treated for it as well several years ago. It's a very real thing. I can imagine you must've felt an immediate kinship with the others in your SA group when you started!!!

    Not sure what my blog shingle would be! Maybe 'Everyone Welcome'?

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    1. I just looked up a clip from the Frasier show. I can't believe how long ago it was. I missed all that with Duchovny and only knew about Tiger Woods because of what was happening with my hubby at the time. It's kinda like when you're looking for a new car. If you want a VW Beetle, you suddenly see them EVERYWHERE!! When before, you never noticed it.

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  3. Shingle or not, I absolutely feel welcome, and I did the very first time I stopped by just a week or so ago. So no worries there, you're doing a perfect job of welcoming us all in, whether or not we have any experience with sex addiction. You know, I've just come to think of this as a blog about being human. It's about one specific aspect of the problems we can encounter, yes, but there are parallels to be drawn to so many other experiences. I hope that makes sense?

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    1. That absolutely makes sense, Liz and I thank you for it. I'm always amazed just how welcoming our community of bloggers truly is. It's astounding. It really is just an aspect of humanity - same problems, dealt with in a different way. Ultimately, we all want the same thing, happiness…and love =)

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  4. Yay for newcomers. And I think the subject of your blog is relatable to most writers. We love a story with conflict and all the feels. And honest emotions are always appreciated. :)

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    1. If you want a blog that can be full of some raw and honest emotions, this is it on some days, whew! But, yes, I understand what you're saying. We writers are complex people who can appreciate complex situations. =)

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  5. I am not sure I can quote it right given that I wrote it so long ago... and this reminds me that I don't even look at my header any longer... "I like to call this Blog Therapy. No one is turned away and all comments are welcome." Pretty sure it reads like that.

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    1. That is a great slogan. That sounds exactly like what I read on your header. It's very encouraging.

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  6. i think that people will understand....because you are honest, you dont sugar coat it but you face it...and that is refreshing...

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    1. You hit on something that tends to bother me. When people whine and complain then do nothing to make their lives better. I understand needing time to move forward but there comes a time when you have to take that step. It's hard, but it must be done. Thanks, Brian!

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  7. If a cat can stand your whining, then anyone can lol but yeah you just write away and don't try and fluff things, so people should have no fear indeed.

    The cat's would say if you have a stick up your butt, go away! lol

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    1. The cat is a big pain in my ass, but, I wouldn't have it any other way!

      Be honest cat, if you had a shingle, it would read something like, "Feck off!" haha

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  8. While I would still write my blog with no readers, I do get a kick out of seeing new names in the comment section. When I last did the A-Z challenge, I wanted to build readership and it worked. Lots of new readers, some new comments, but no long lasting base. Since my return, I've decided I'm taking a more Field of Dreams approach, build it and they will come. If not, I'm at least amusing myself.

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    1. I like your Field of Dreams approach. I found you that way and I think others will too. I guess if I wanted to, I could promote my blog on more SA type places but, maybe I feel the same way deep inside. If they are meant to find me, they will. Wow…looking at that, it makes me look really, um, dumb. Me saying I want to help people but expecting them to come find me. Doesn't make much sense. haha

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    2. I did the networking thing, it worked well for readership but didn't help my blog at all. I know, some people measure the success of their blogs by how many readers they have. On some level I do too. But my blog isn't a commercial venture. It's where my mind roams free. One of the many reasons I took a break is because my blog had become very popular where I work. I had to start censoring some of what I said.

      I hope for new readers but at this point, just having the uncensored space to be me is enough for now.

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    3. I don't ever want to be in a position where I censor what I have to say. I think it's why Devin chooses not to visit here. He has the url but has never stopped by - at least not that I know of - and that's because I think he wants me to have this free space to think and process. He knows I need it. When I first blogged, I cared nothing about numbers. Then, that bug hit. I did care. But, I realized when I had that mentality, the quality of my posts sucked and I lost the drive to write. It became more of a chore. I really thrive off of the connections I make. Sure, it's nice to see someone follow, but I want them to follow because they love what they read, not because they want me to follow them. I only follow blogs I personally connect with - through laughter, emotions, writing, whatever. I totally get what you're saying, Frank.

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  9. Right now my blog would read, "Could I interest you in a waffle stick? We have vanilla, blueberry and chocolate chip."

    Seriously though, great post. Well-written.

    And it's fun to get newcomers though I don't always click with all of them, most I do and that's great fun.

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    1. You could interest me in some of those waffle sticks right now! Especially those chocolate chips but I'll take the blueberry too =P

      I love when I click with new people and I find a new friend. Sometimes it lasts, sometimes it doesn't, but it's always fun!

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  10. I've noticed that there aren't too many newcomers around Blogger these days.... only us blogging fossils...

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    1. They've all turned to Twitter. Or Vine.

      Wait, did you just call us *gasp* "old"???

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  11. My shingle, if based on me, would not be nearly so welcoming.

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    1. You're so full of it, Andrew. You're a big ol' mush.

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  12. I think my shingle would be "Life is a cabaret, old chum."

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    1. I LOVE that shingle, Debra. It's just so - YOU!

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  13. My newcomer shingle would read, "Let's Eat!"

    And I'm sorry I have not been around more to read your challenge posts...but that "M" work you posted yesterday...yeah...its been visiting WAY too much recently!

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    1. What? Really? You? haha Of course yours would read that =P

      I totally understand. I've been doing the best I can over here too. You have my sympathies. Hope you feel better soon.

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    2. I am officially blaming the cold weather. I had been fine for a couple of weeks (since it warmed up) and then the temperature dropped 30 degrees and it snowed the other day and then boom. Migraine. Its the cold.

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  14. I think a good one for mine would be, "Thick skinned people are welcome. Thin skinned people are targets."

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    1. oohh, I like that, Chris. I like that a lot. A bit scary, but also so true for your blog. You're very honest but in a polity brutal way! ha

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  15. You're always hospitable and welcoming, Elsie.
    My shingle would say something like "Come for the chocolate. Stay for the chocolate."

    Be well.
    xoRobyn

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    1. You're so sweet (like chocolate), Robyn. I love your shingle and I'd always stay for something chocolately!!

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  16. I think you should have a tab labeled "New Here?" or something and have it link to this post. It's just very comforting.

    My shingle would probably say Music Enthusiasts Welcome

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