F is for Forgiveness
I thought I forgave Devin for what his addiction caused him to do to our marriage. But, I was just kidding myself. Anger always simmered beneath the surface. Instead of taking a look at my resentments, I shoved them down, and tried to heal from the betrayal and hurt of his affairs.
Ignoring my emotions was a terrible idea.
I complained to him over the tiniest things. If he left his socks on the floor, I griped. When he left his plate on the counter, I made a production out of it. Sometimes those sniping remarks resulted in a fight and I threw his addiction in his face.
I realized through my S-Anon recovery that I needed to find a place of serenity or I’d go bananas. I worked the steps slowly. I picked up every piece of my emotional puzzle and examined it. When I completed examining my emotions, flaws, and assets, I realized something.
I wasn’t angry any more.
I forgave myself for things I’d done while I was co-dependent. I shed the embarrassment I felt for marrying a sex addict. I understood I did what I felt needed to be done to survive in my marriage. And, it was okay.
Once I had forgiven myself, I forgave Devin. I wasn’t bitter towards the women he cheated on me with either. Instead, I felt compassion for them, for they are sick too.
I was released from the burden I’d been carrying. And, man, it was a heavy weight.
Have you ever had a difficult time forgiving someone?
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