Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Z is for Zen: A-Z Challenge or Holy Crap Balls! We Finished!

Holy Crap Balls!  We Made It!  Congrats to all the A-Zers who finished.  To those who didn’t, I understand.
Illustrated by Rob Z Tobor

Z is for Zen

I’m not going to pretend to be a Zen Master.  I’m not a master of any thing. Least of all enlightenment. Especially someone else’s. 

Over the last ten years, I’ve learned that I enjoy reflecting in to my self and reflection of my self, and that means two different things to me.

I find Zen at the beach, doing yoga, practicing morning mediation, during my daily reader, and while writing.  For me, Zen is a feeling of calm and peace.  Eventually, I hope it will mean something deeper. I’m at the beginning of that journey.  I’ll get back to you in another ten years or so.

I also find moments of Zen through reading other's words and reflecting upon them.  I don’t mean to get all cheesy and philosophical on this last day of the Challenge but (yeah, there’s the “but”) I hope you’ll find enjoyment in these words too. 

Like John Stewart but not nearly as funny, here are some of my moments of Zen:

 The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear ~ Ts’ai Ken T’an

Talking about Zen all the time is like
 looking for fish tracks in a dry riverbed ~Wu-Tzu
 Learning Zen is a phenomenon of gold and dung.
 Before you understand it, it's like gold; after you understand it, it's like dung ~ Zen Master

All things and I belong to one Whole ~ Zen Master

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought ~ Basho

Where there is great doubt, there will be great awakening; small doubt, small awakening, no doubt, no awakening ~ Zen Master

For those of you not who haven’t had your cup of coffee (soda, tea) here’s your Moment of Zen from John Stewart:
You suck snow!  So do you snow plow driver guy!

Do you have any moments of Zen you’d like to share?  Any good Zen books you’d like to recommend?

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

"Y" is for Yoga: A-Z Challenge


Y is for Yoga

Palms meet, head bows
the student learns
draws in serenity
expels chaos

arms flow in circular patterns
yin yang
pushes out negative
pulls in positive

I am a willow
learning to bend
not snap
in tree pose

under emotions

I am a wave
learning to wash ashore
without a thunderous crash
     in a crouched position
of water too heavy
to carry

I glide upon the sands
of a time
arms stretch out….up…out

I dance along the shore
I stretch my legs down
Beyond measure, quiver

I bow

My teacher


~~Yoga has been essential to my recovery in healing from the disclosure of my hubby's sex addiction.  It's been awhile since I've been able to give it proper attention but I'm happy to say recent developments lead me to think this may change very soon.~~

Do you exercise?  Ever try yoga?


This post is part of the A-Z Challenge.  Wanna see more?

Monday, April 28, 2014

"X" is for X-Rated: A-Z Challenge

X is for X-Rated

X is for X-Rated.  Don’t get your hopes up.  Ain’t gonna be no naked chicks   here today.  Or any other day for that matter.  Sorry, folks.

Instead, I’d like to briefly talk about the causes of sex addiction.   It has nothing to do with sex. It’s all about emotions, or rather the inability to connect emotionally.   

Dr. Patrick Carnes is the man when it comes to sex addiction.  He literally wrote the book, the first book (five total) about sex addiction, coined the term sex addict, and is the executive director of the Gentle Path program at Pine Grove Behavioral Institute.  What did he say when asked if the addiction was about sex?

“No, but that's the mistake people often make. It's really about pain … or escaping or anxiety reduction. It's a solution.”

Sure, sex addiction has lots of X-Rated components surrounding it.  There’s triple x movies, porn sites, masturbation, and many  other X-Rated aspects, but those are not the root of the addiction.  They are the symptoms.  And, just like with any other addiction they can start out harmless, and if not treated, grow out of control.

Why sex? Why not drugs, alcohol, or overeating?  Not surprising, many SA do drink, take drugs and eat to excess, in addition to turning to sex to fulfill the empty void inside them. Many of them come from broken homes.  A large percentage of SA are sexually, physically and/or verbally abused when they are young.  Even more, like my husband, come from homes where being emotionally neglected rather than nurtured are the norm.

It is my personal belief that all of these addicts share one common theme - the need to feel accepted and loved.  The reason I turned to drugs when I was a teen was because I felt rejected by my mom.  Through no fault of her own, my mom wasn’t able to nurture me properly.  In turn, I wasn’t able to nurture myself, so I choose drugs to numb my pain.

I think sex addicts are emotionally more damaged than I ever was.  I could be completely off base.  I’m not a doctor.  I just speculate like one on Blogger.

How about you?  Do you speculate like a doctor on your blog?  Did I make sense with this post?  I crammed a ton into this tiny post.  I may have to visit this topic outside of the A-Z Challenge.


This post is part of the A-Z Challenge.  Wanna see more?

Saturday, April 26, 2014

"W" is for What If?: A-Z Challenge

Warning:  F Bomb Ahead
illustrated by Rob Z Tobor

W is for What If?

What if I never married my first husband?

         I never would have experienced love and loss
                                                                        Death blooms

What if I never experienced drug addiction?

         I never would have walked a mile in someone’s shoes
                                                                        And worn out the souls

What if I never lost my dad when I was young?

         I never would have mothered as he fathered
                                                                        Family talks, silence

What if I never lost my mother to Alzheimer’s?
         I never would have laughed at the(r) insanity
                                                                        Until it was only sane
                                                               To it I say     

What if I never married a sex addict?

         I never would have three pointed back at me
                                                               weapons cocked and loaded
                                                                   ammo of scrutiny 


This post is part of the A-Z Challenge.  Wanna see more?