Thursday, February 27, 2014

Thanks For Sharing

“Thanks for letting me share.”

“Thanks for sharing.”


 Anyone familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-anon, or any of the numerous twelve-step programs out there, have heard those words.  Even people not in the rooms have heard them. 

And, that’s a great thing.

It means twelve-steppers, such as myself, are accepted in society.  We are not outcasts.  Well, most of us.  I pop into AA meetings when I’m in need of some emotional sobriety.  There’s nothing like a good meeting to fill up the ol’ emotional cup.

But, AA is not my core group.  The meetings I attend every week are ones that aren’t quite accepted in our culture just yet.  Mine is S-Anon.  It’s a program for partners, families, and friends of sex addicts.  It’s a lot harder to tell someone what my meetings are about without them casting judgment. 

If my neighbor asked where I was headed with my book bag every week, and I told them, “I’m just hitting an AA meeting.”  They’d probably say something about how proud they are of me, or wish me well.  If I said, “I’m attending S-Anon because my hubby’s a sex addict.”  Their response would probably be more like, “I thought that was just an excuse to cheat on your spouse.”  Or, “Why are you still with him?”

Sex addiction hasn’t reached the understanding in our culture like alcoholism, drug addiction, or even food addiction, have done.  It’s still taboo.  I’m hopeful with movies like, Thanks for Sharing, the public will understand just how real the disease is, and how much it affects the addict and their family.

Thanks for Sharing is the best movie I’ve seen about sex addiction.  It had almost every element of the disease covered.  Of course, I would have liked to have seen a partner after disclosure. But, hey, it’s not about us. It’s about the addict…keep your side of the street clean, Elsie!

The movie follows three sex addicts on their journeys of recovery.  Tim Robbins’ character plays a married addict who has been in solid recovery for a long time from alcoholism and sex addiction. (These two addictions often coincide).  

Mark Ruffalo is a sex addict who has been sober for five years.  He feels ready for a relationship, and dates Gwyneth Paltrow.  Her character was very reminiscent of me when I first met Devin.  There was a line when she said, “You’re not an alcoholic are you?  I just dated two in a row, and I don’t want to date another addict," that nailed it for me.  I said the same thing to Devin. *ahem*  

The third character, played by Josh Gad, is new into the world of recovery. He lies about his day count in the beginning of his recovery. Then, he meets Pink. Together they navigate the rough seas of sobriety.

I was so grateful I found this movie.  It didn’t paint sex addiction in a horrible light. It didn't portray the addicts as monsters.  Rather, the disease was represented with profound respect and understanding.  I can’t tell you if the scenes about the SA meetings were accurate, (I didn’t feel it was right to ask Devin), but from the way the rest of the movie depicted everything, I’m sure it was. 

I think this is a safe movie for a sex addict and their partner to watch if they are on solid ground in their recoveries. I don’t think there will be any triggers.  I feel this was done intentionally so sex addicts could see the movie.  There is blurred nudity, scenes with Paltrow in lingerie, and some acting out behaviors are alluded to, but not shown.

As much as I would love to tell you guys what happens in the movie, I’ll refrain.  I don’t want to spoil it.  Instead, I’ll just say, if you’re interested in understanding sex addiction, watch this movie.


I’m glad I did.

What was a good movie find for you?

34 comments:

  1. It sounds like they treated the topic with a great amount of respect. Tim Robbins is a great actor too. I'm not really a movie buff, but I did initially scoff at 'Easy A' when Russell wanted to watch it...he said it was really good and I should give it a chance. So I did and I loved it. It's now attained that rare status with me of 'watch it every time it's on', like Shawshank & Mockingbird.

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    1. They really did, JoJo and I couldn't be happier about it. I was nervous to see it because of the previews I saw of Don Jon. But, thankfully, it was nothing like Don Jon (says the chick who hasn't seen it yet). I liked Easy A. I thought it had a good lesson in there.

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  2. it's true, people are more shocked by sex than by killings, violence and drugs. I'll never understand that.

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    1. Me either, Dezzy. It's quite confusing.

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  3. Interesting movie -- I'll keep my eyes open for it. Another movie about sexual addiction that I'd like to see is "Shame" starring Michael Fassbender (a fave actor of mine). It's supposed to be very powerful.

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    1. I like him too. I saw "Shame" and although I liked "Thanks for Sharing" more, it was still a good movie. There were parts that made me really uncomfortable, but that's part of the addiction, isn't it?

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  4. I'm glad the movie was good Elsie, at the moment I use movies for escapism more than helping but only at the moment.

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    1. I can totally relate, Fran. I bought this one some time back but never broke it out of it's wrapper until the other day.

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  5. I can't really think of something that I would say was a good find in the same terms that this is. It sounds like it was an excellent thing for you to find, and something great to be made in the first place. I never really thought about it but you're right; sex addiction has been a highly recognised problem longer than eating addictions have, but they're already acceptable. I think one problem that sex addiction has is that it is seen as an excuse for people to cheat. Whenever a celebrity cheats on their partner they blame it on a sex addiction and it's obvious they're just using it as an excuse. There was a South Park episode about it actually.

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    1. I'm really happy I found this movie. It's not something I'll watch over and over again, but it's good knowing it's out there. Maybe once it gets to Netflix or premium channels, it'll get more recognition. I missed the South Park episode about SA. But, maybe that was a good thing. ha ha

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  6. Never even heard of this one, has some great actors in it too. Sex addiction has two major issues facing it, one it is so easy to make fun of by talk show hosts and such that they do it and then no one takes it seriously. And then you have the idiot celebrities who just don't want to keep it in their pants and use it as an excuse. Not sure food addiction is taken all that seriously either though.

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    1. I was really surprised by the actors in it. That's partly why I bought it. That and the reviews on IMDB were so good. At least those coming from SA. Yeah, it's very easy to make fun of SA. It's all fun and games until you're the one walking in the shoes.

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  7. I think I would really enjoy this movie. It amazes me that this is so taboo of a topic in our culture still!?

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    1. I'd say its worth the rental, Keith. Or, at least when it hits Redbox (maybe it already has?) It was just so realistic.

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    1. I think it was a great find. (Obviously ha ha)

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  9. Something like this should be a help to people. Both to those who have been through it and to those who don't know about it. I can imagine a group of women going to this and then one of them feeling safe enough to open up and talk to her friends and share her story.

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    1. I didn't even think about that, Anne. I wonder if anyone found courage to share their story after watching this movie. That'd be awesome!

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  10. Sounds really interesting Elsie a great movie!!
    I would look to see:)

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    1. I thought it was really good, Gloria. I'd say four stars! (I rarely give five).

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  11. Glad you opened the wrapper and enjoyed it. Nice when a movie can speak to you. Sadly though, people are always going to judge about all kinds of things and continue to see things differently.

    Not that this is the same, but as a couponer, I get lots of comments and judgments (from both couponers and non-couponers), but I have to tell you the truth, it doesn't bother me because I know I'm doing what works for us.

    No one has to like it, understand it, agree or not agree. Doesn't matter or alter how I live and save.

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    1. It's a shame how much people tend to judge other people. I used to be the same way. I think with maturity came the ability not to so quickly judge others. I realized everybody has a reason for the things they do and it's not my place to judge others.

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  12. I wonder if people will ever understand it, Elsie.

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    1. I think in ten years or so, it will be much more accepted. It just takes time for people to wrap their heads around something different.

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    2. I sure hope so, Elsie. But something tells me most people need more than just ten years. The magic word is sex. Everyone loves it, everyone does it, just don't mention it. I find that very strange. Hope you're doing fine.

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  13. I so admire your courage and transparency and willingness to talk about it. As a recovering anorexic, I'm able to understand some of the struggles of a diseases very few people truly understand. But how could they.... Also a close family member is a (currently sober) alcoholic who finally admitted it to his children. Progress.
    Hugs to you my brave friend.
    Tina @ Life is Good
    A to Z Team @ Blogging From A to Z April Challenge 2014

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    1. I'm so proud of you for being a recovering anorexic. It's not easy to share something with people in the first place, so, to share something so misunderstood means we are that much stronger. I often wonder if my hubby will share his addiction with our kids but I don't think he will. They know about my addiction and were proud of me for seeking help, but he's still scared they won't respect him.

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  14. That's an awesome cast! I'm gonna write this one on my movie notes. I'm curious, I want to see how it rolls out.

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    1. I admit, I was really impressed by the cast. It's one of the reasons I bought the film. I hope you enjoy it, D.

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  15. Thanks for the recommendation - will check it out ~ I think its brave of you to attend such meetings ~ People just need to get more educated about the addiction & being open to acceptance ~

    Have a good weekend Elsie ~

    Grace

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    1. I hope you like it, Grace. It really spoke to me. Brave or a necessity? Perhaps both. My first meeting was a scary one. And, that makes me want to write about it - thanks for the idea, Grace!

      Have a beautiful week!!

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  16. The film has a good cast. I'll have to check into it. One of the pastors at our church leads some 12 step groups. Lately he's been doing a sermon series focusing on each of the 12 steps. It's been interesting.

    Lee
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out

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  17. Thanks so much for recommending it, I'm gonna try and get it today.

    I don't know about a movie find for me, it's hard for me to seek out new stuff anymore...if I see a good movie, it's entirely by accident. I found Contracorriente (Undertow) on a recommendation, and it was really, really good - has kind of stuck with me for a few months now.

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  18. Everybody deals with something, usually something that someone else wants to judge them for. Surprised and pleased to see some big names in the film.

    I've happened upon two movies (in different decades) - Roman Holiday (Gregory Peck, Audrey Hepburn) and Miss Potter (Renee Zellweger and Ewan McGregor).

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Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm here to help any way I can.