Wednesday, March 20, 2013

That's Some Bad Hat Harry

There are moments in time, moments in our lives, that we always want to remember and cherish.  Last week so many things fell into place, I had many chances to be grateful.  Our son was home from college on Spring Break, the steroid pack gave me a few days of pain free days, the weather was kind on some of the days and check out that blue sky and gorgeous water!  
I had to use my imagination a bit for the warm weather because we weren't even close to that.  A front that was moving in was causing some rough seas but making the surfers quite happy.  I still don't understand how they can tolerate that icy cold water, despite their wet suits.
Our dogs were just as happy as we were except when their paws met the ocean.  They only did that once.  They ran and played with each other and with us until each and every one of us were exhausted and called it quits.

Perfect memories captured on film and in our minds.

Later that night, we were relaxing on the couch, all of us lounging on the sectional, watching a rerun of House. Anyone familiar with the show will know that at the end it shows this:
My son and I used to watch House together every Monday night and began to race each other to see who could say "That's some bad hat, Harry" first.  

Now, here we were, several years later and without even thinking about it, we both shouted out, "That's some bad hat, Harry" and began laughing.  What's the big deal?  It's a cute little thing you guys still do, why are you sharing it here?  Because it got me thinking. I asked my daughter if she remembered clapping to the Friends theme song when she was little and said she did.  

These, of course, are all positive things that I've left upon them.  What about the crap I've instilled in their brain?  The negative thoughts I implanted in there like my mom did to me?  

Turns out, I did just fine with them.  When I made my amends to them as part of my step work and let them know I was in a 12 step program, not only did they let me know they were proud of me, they let me know I was was being way to critical of myself and the damage I think I caused when it came to them and they felt I did a great job.

My kids fucking rock.

Next update will be on Devin, I think.  Maybe.  

45 comments:

  1. We have moments like the "Bad Hat Harry". Theme songs to shows that were like comfort food evoke those great memories.

    The thing we have to remember about parenting is that it happens in real time, not in hindsight. We all make mistakes but a parent that really loves a child properly doesn't make any of the big, ugly ones. You love your children properly.

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    1. Even songs from the radio too. "Running with the Devil" was always sang "Running with the potato" for some reason =P We have countless songs like that ha ha ha

      It's true, I love my children fiercely and not long ago I felt terrible because I've had to turn some stuff over to the Peanut because I just can't do it on the days I'm sick. I was crying in counseling, something I just don't do, because I felt so guilty, and my counselor allowed me to see that I wasn't abusing her but teaching her how to grow up and be responsible and to help out around the house. It took away some of that guilt.

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    2. There's nothing wrong with having the children help out. They need to learn how to take care of a house. If you don't teach them, they'll grow up to be slobs.

      My gran and my mom did way too much for the kids and their husbands. I helped with the cooking and the gardening because I loved doing those things. But when I look back and think about how many times I let those women clean up my messes for me, I'm ashamed of myself.

      I hope those seas calm down soon for you. Nice pics btw!

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    3. Absolutely! It helped my oldest now that he's away at school and has to keep his dorm clean and soon my middle son will be leaving and I'm fairly certain (fingers crossed) he'll keep his place clean and now I'm passing that on to the Peanut too.

      No need to feel ashamed for allowing your gran and mom to take care of your messes. They are probably a lot like me - I want to be there to do it and I want them here to make the mess...just not all the time =P

      It flurried today so no beach weather yet!

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  2. This is so cool Elsie, it's always great that little quirky family traditions such as this still remain and it makes me appreciate the relationship I have with my mother too. The photos are beautiful as well, I'm glad to hear that you had such a great few days with your son.

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    1. I think I remember the "little" things with them more than the "big" things, if that makes sense. Sure, we go on vacation to New York every year but it's the stuff on the drive up there that makes us laugh and that's what I remember and cherish most. I'm so happy you have a good relationship with your mom, Matthew. It's so important and vital for you!!

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  3. Oh my gosh.. We did the whole clap thing to friends too! :) This is a such a wonderfully honest post and I challenge one parent to say they have never felt the same, shared the same memories.. I think your kids are right. You're being too hard on yourself, as parents I think we're more self critical than need me and you're right, your kids do fucking rock. :) - Great post.

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    1. I knew when I posted this I'd have the Friends them stuck in my head all day *poof* there it is! ha ha ha

      I was totally harsh on myself and I'm sure I will be for some time coming as it is a growing and learning process. I think as long as we parents don't parent from guilt or anger, we can parent well. As long as we parent with love we are on the right track. Thank you so much, MiMi!

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  4. I loved this post - made me smile. You really sound like you are on a path to happiness my friend.

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    1. The path to happiness and serenity keeps becoming clearer and clearer but it definitely is one full of hard work!

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  5. Winter's last gasp is still dumping snow on us. lol We are always way too hard on ourselves. Give yourself a break; you've worked hard, you've made mistakes, you're only human. :)

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    1. Yuck with the snow, JoJo!! Gross! We had rain for the last two days and so I had a Migraine that decided to stick around for an extra day, blasted thing. Great, now you've made the song, "Human" stick in my head =PPP

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  6. Yeah jut little moments that are ours can sure mean a ton and make all the so called bad crap run, but seems you did a great job too, even with a mutt or two or three haha too bad it was cold for each tootsie, never going to be perfect in anything, especially parenting at any wing, but you brought them all up great it seems and even with two eyes, thanking they didn't get your one eye genes hahaha

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    1. And, now that I have shared them here for all of you to see, I will have them forever! So, when I am old and gray and wrinkly, I can just read this and say in my shaky granny voice, "Hey, kiddies, remember when..." and they will say, "Shut up Ma!" Especially since they all told me they were shoving me in an old folks home soon. Sweet little loves! ha ha ha

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    2. LOL well if the pay for the old folks home, it might not be so bad.

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    3. They will probably sell off all my stuff to pay for it!

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  7. It's the smallest moments of life that can create our biggest memories.

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    1. It's true. I cherish the small, unexpected things the most.

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  8. it seems clapping to FRIENDS is a worldwide thing since I did it too :)

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    1. I LOVE knowing you clapped to Friends too, Dezzy! That makes me smile =)

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  9. I think we are both better and worse for our kids than we'll ever know.

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    1. It's up to us to always strive to be better, I think.

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  10. smiles...sounds like you are doing good in your family to me...creating those memories...he will remember the jokes and watching house later when he needs it...

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    1. Thank you, Brian. I have this secret hope that when he watches House with his kids, he'll do the same thing with them and say, "Me and grandma did that when I was a kid."

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  11. Me and Ray have started to do it with TV ads and programme ads, we're getting quite good and sad!

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    1. Awww, now you just made me all sad! And, I want to know what shows too.

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  12. You got a lovely view and place ~

    So many blessings to be thankful for, your children are very sweet ~ We were also recalling special moments with my youngest, and yes despite everything, she has happy memories to share to ~ Good to see you Elsie ~ Take care ~

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    1. I love when I can get over to the beach, by far the best part about living on the east coast.

      I'm so glad your kids are able to say the same as mine, Grace. So wonderful to be able to share good memories with them as they grow.

      Be well!!

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  13. What beautiful pictures of the beach! Since today is the first day of spring, I'm full of the optimism which comes with the promise of warmer weather.
    And THAT'S no bad hat!
    :-)

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    1. And damn if it didn't snow today. WTH? But, I'm with you, Al, there is warm weather right around the corner!

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    2. And it snowed this frikkin' morning.

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  14. These are things that stick for a long time. There's a very long, 2 sentence routine me and my mom would go through every night before bed when I was just a baby. I know all the words by heart still, and I can recite them in less than 5 seconds, just like I used to.

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    1. I love to hear that because we have a routine at night that we go through and the only one left we still do it with is my daughter and I wondered if she'd remember it as she got older. This was good to read. Thanks for sharing that with me, D4. That was really touching.

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  15. What a bloddy great post enjoyed reading it.......and yeah your kids rock mine just through rocks...........lol

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    1. ha ha ha! You have good kids and awesome grandkids, Jo-Anne!!

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  16. Hi Elsie. LOVE the beach photos. Your happy time spent with loved ones shows so clearly in every line you wrote. My eldest will only be back home from his boarding school tomorrow. The last time he came home was 6 weeks ago... ooo can`t wait!

    I share the others` opinion, you did great raising your kids your own loving style. Who are others to judge, there`s no wrong or right way, just a Mama`s painstaking honest way. Asian Moms are notoriously stern ones. I remember one time my Mom chasing me round the house 3 times threatening to beat the shit out of me with my Dad`s belt in one hand.. LOL. I was about 12 then. Caning our kids are pretty common here. I know many of you will think that`s cruel or mad.. but like I said, it is a common thing gen-to-gen, and we do it out of love and only when they behave too way out of line.

    As for me, my cane collects dust somewhere...

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    1. I hope you are having a wonderful time with your son right now, Mama Tim! Six weeks is a long time in between visits. That's about how often we see our son, every eight weeks or so. Seems like forever sometimes.

      When I lived in the deep south, they used switches from the trees to discipline their kids. Not all the parents, but some of them. It was unusual to see.

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  17. Yeah, we always wonder which parts stick in our kids' heads and which parts just passed through them. Sounds like you've got some smart, compassionate kids. :))

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    1. After all the counseling I've been through the last couple of years, it's made me aware of just what I say and how I say, that's for sure! Thanks, L.G.!!

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  18. I loved reading this. I had a bit of a rocky relationship with my mom growing up, but now we're closer than ever, and at one point she apologized for being so tough on me and being "crappy" at times. I told her that I thought I turned out great, and I wouldn't have changed a thing.

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    1. This was so freakin' awesome to read! Holy crap! Seeing it from the other side - to cool, thank you for that. Oddly, after all that my mom and I had been through, she and I were closer too as I grew older. I don't think I would change anything either because it's made me who I am today. Thanks!!

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