I walked into the familiar room and began setting up. The smell of stale coffee hung in the air, paperwork from yesterday’s meeting from a different group laid upon the table. I picked it up and placed it neatly back in it’s display rack for them. I grabbed our group’s cloth bag and walked over to the small wooden table located in the center of the room. The table was surrounded by a tiny, worn loveseat, a matching equally worn chair and half dozen metal chairs.
I laid out the brochures, as I had done week after week, month after month, adding to the stacks as our little S-Anon group had grown in size, and one brochure caught my eye. It was about a sponsoring and being sponsored. I picked it up and re-read it.
I ran through its message in my mind about paying it forward, being a service to others and allowing others to be a service to you. One person helping another person. Being instruments of God and being a helpful tool in someone’s toolbox.
As I read through the literature again, the door opened and a new person walked through. I welcomed her, showed her the brochures and listened to her story until other members arrived and we began our meeting. The topic for the meeting was taken from the daily reader: the gift of sponsorship, the gift of service, the gift of having tools in your toolbox.
I shared that I had just been reading through sponsorship material before the meeting started and as I spoke I realized that wasn’t what I was meant to be sharing. I knew I was meant to share my need for my tools in my toolbox instead. That although I was one of the veteran members of the group, I still had a need to reach into my toolbox and use those tools; my sense of humor, my blog, a journal entry, phone calls to S-Anon members, service work, prayer, talking to Devin, Affirmation Cards, Steps, just to name a few, when my life became unmanageable because of triggers.
I had become complacent and hadn’t set up my own precautions for the upcoming passing of the two-year mark since my Disclosure Week. I have changed that now and I will keep working on not becoming complacent again. I reached out to friends, family, God and most of all, Devin. We spent another weekend communicating by our chiminea.