Monday, September 24, 2012

"Dan My Sweet" - No Soup For You!

Working Dan at Shameful Promotions has threatened my beautiful, innocent, turtle all because of yesterday's poem.  See, Dan hates the “M” word and when he heard I was going to write a poem about Migraines, he wanted to write his own called My Grain, before mine posted yesterday. (Don't tell him but it was actually good.)  This resulted in the threats to my cute, innocent turtle.  Look at him all sweet looking. Awww!!
These vile threats from Dan were posted on Twitter:  “Oh it is definitely on now! You like turtle soup?”, he said.

Dan made threats on his blog, “That poor turtle. With his life in the balance of Workingdan's hands it's hard telling what kind of torture it will endure!”; and even added “Maybe she can't be beaten...but her turtle can! Muwahhaha! *evil laugh*”     The horror!!  How could Dan be so evil?

Even I, sweet, kind-hearted, Elsie, have been threatened on Twitter, “hahaha! Poke out her one eye with 2 sticks!”, Dan exclaimed.

It left me with no choice.  I had to call for back up…..

I’m sorry, Dan.  You left me no choice.  Now, please, leave my turtle alone or my clown friend here may be set loose....and I'm fairly certain he mentions you becoming turtle soup.....

Come on turtle, it's safe now.  Come home with me.  Dan won't threaten you anymore.


Dan - I had a blast doing this!  I laughed my ass off the whole time.  Now, I'll let you enjoy your blogcation - you deserve it my dear friend!  Take care, rest, relax, enjoy your family and I hope you'll be back soon.  I'll miss seeing your posts and your comments.  I have to step out for a little while today, but I'll be back this afternoon.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Award Free Blog

“You are such an ingrate.”

“Wow, that is so rude!”

“What’s the big deal?  Just take it!”

“Um, yeah, you are such a bitch. I’m never visiting your blog again!”

These are just some of the thoughts I feel I may evoke when I announce I have decided to make my blog an Award Free zone.  It’s not because I don’t appreciate being recognized because I most certainly do.  Look how excited I was when Dan put me in his Game of Throne series, or when Pat made an avatar of me, or when I received the Man Card – can you say uberly overjoyed?  That’s me.  Uberly Overjoyed.

Receiving awards once filled me with excitement.  I couldn’t wait to post it on my blog, answer all the questions, but always hesitated when it came to tagging people and passing the excitement along.  Then the dread set in. What if they didn’t want to be tagged and make a post like I did?  Soon, I began to break the rules and not pass them along at all, freeing anyone of the “obligation” of the award.

Now, I've cut back on my blogging time and I no longer post every day. I’d rather spend that time writing about things I find therapeutic for me (how selfish!), helpful to others, or amusing…at least to me, then figuring out ways on how to manipulate an award so I don’t feel awkward receiving it and not passing it along.

Let the name calling begin (okay, not really, I may cry and no one wants that on their conscience do they?)

Monday, September 17, 2012

I Leave The Baking To Gloria

Doesn’t that look delicious?  Some of you may have already seen it, here, over at Gloria's, blog.  You don’t know Gloria?  Wait…what?  Please, allow me to introduce you to her because she is one of the sweetest ladies in our blogging community.  She always has a kind word to say, no matter what the post, and she takes the time to keep on coming back to your blog to see what you’ve said to her.  Not many people do that.  Heck, I can't always do that!
Gloria lives in the countryside of Chile, about thirty miles from Santiago, where the trees are just now beginning to blossom.  Hard for me to wrap my head around as I feel our temperatures begin to drop here in the States.  
She is married and a mom to adopted twins, which touches me greatly because I’m also adopted, so for that, I say thank you, Gloria!  Her twins, Ditto and Esperanza, are eighteen and finishing school soon and both share a passion for music and go to as many concerts as they can.  Kids after my own heart!
Gloria (sorry for the tiny picture) enjoys reading and gardening but her true passion is cooking.  She comes up with new and creative recipes for her blog and she finds recipes from some of her favorite sites and shares them with us.  Not only does she share her recipes in Spanish, she translates them in to English too.  How amazing is that? 
 Which leads me to the beautiful picture above...
Looks yummy – almost like the one Gloria posted – almost.
That’s because it really started out looking like this on my cutting board.  I messed up somewhere…terribly.  The dough stuck to everything!
 I thought it could be salvaged by putting it into a pre-made piecrust but then when we cut into it, not so much. The conversation I did from “grs”, which I figured was grams and Gloria has kindly confirmed, I did incorrectly somehow.  Or maybe the cornstarch was bad?  Yeah, let’s blame the cornstarch!!
So, for great recipes, go see Gloria and avoid me at all costs…unless I share my secret recipe for Slum Gum Gooey….that kicks ass!
Gloria, I bow down to you for all things baking!  You are by far one of the sweetest and kindest people I have encountered on my blog.  I am so blessed to have met you through here.  I’m so sorry I managed to screw up your wonderful recipe but I’m not giving up yet…I’ll just avoid baking bread.  =)

Friday, September 7, 2012

I Stand Alone (or sat alone at S-Anon)

(I wanted to put Godsmack's, "I Stand Alone" because it would be more appropriate for the title and I leave all things music to D4 because he's the expert - but my son just discovered this chick and she rocks and I wanted to share her music with you guys.  Enjoy her violin/dub/rock while reading.  There's another video of her shadow dancing that is just insanely good!)

"I look forward to seeing you there."  I ended the email and hit send.   My first what...recruit?  No.  Sister in need?  No.  Chick I just sent an email to?  I guess.  Whatever she was (member), a rush of excitement ran through me.

Goofy, I suppose.  How many hundreds of others across the country were doing what I was doing?  Did they feel the same way the first time they made their first contact with someone in need of support?  Yeah, probably.  It was a good feeling - the feeling of helping another person in need.  Dammit to hell, Jim!!  Strange to have that revelation after my last post.

All my ducks were in a row for my new roles in my local S-Anon group.  I had been asked if I had the time (um, yeah, just a tad, being unemployed and now stuck to a couch does that) to do a bit of outreach into the community and also be the treasurer since I have a background in bookkeeping.  I admit, I was hesitant.  Okay, fine.  I admit, I was scared.  Not of the job.  The job is nothing more than the PR I did as a property manager and bookkeeping which I've done for longer than some of my readers have been alive (*gulp*).

I was scared about breaking my precious anonymity - a word I can barely pronounce on the best of days.  It's difficult enough maintaining my anonymity on this blog with the technology that's out there and people figuring out where I am by things I've said, none of which is where I lived.  How could I undertake an outreach program and still remain anonymous?  Something so important to me for my kid's sakes.

The answer:  You can't, not completely.

I had to pray on it, think on it and talk to Devin.  All that done, I decided it was time for me to step out of the shadows, and my comfort zone, just a bit and reach out to help others.  It is a precarious place to be, helping others while still hiding my husband's addiction from our kids. (Disclosure to the kids is another post for another day.) It is the same feeling I get when I share something very personal here when I know it will help others.  It's scary but the risk seems worthwhile.

Which is how I ended up sitting alone, on the floor, at my meeting.

I was excited that day for several reasons.  I was finally allowed to drive - so said the papers from the hospital - but they didn't account for the popped stitch I'm guessing. Nor the amount of walking I ended up doing and I paid for it greatly later that night, but, I'm rambling.  I was excited because I had ordered and received literature from S-Anon to share at the meeting.  I had prepared the treasurer report and even prepared a list of books, online resources and other things for outside the group once it was closed.

I got to the meeting early to set up and waited.  Ten minutes in I realized I'd be the only one arriving that day and my heart sank.  I looked around and wondered what to do.  I saw the table with all the new and shiny literature waiting to be flipped through and admired (or so I hoped, this stuff ain't free folks).  I glanced at the table outside of the meeting area with my list of recommendations and the book I brought in from home for donation and I thought, "Screw it, I'm attending this meeting anyway."

I proceeded to conduct the meeting all by myself and now, as I write about it, it's quite funny.  A grown woman reading aloud, doing prayers and sharing with no one to listen but herself and her Higher Power.  But, just like in Field of Dreams, if I create it, they will attend.  Right?  I know for certain there is a need in my community.  The ratio in Devin's group is far to large for there not to be a need for a support group.  I just need to focus on getting the word out, attending my meetings and patiently waiting for people to show up.

I'm still excited about the potential my little group has and while I'm there it's a great opportunity to work on myself if no one shows up and one knows I was up there talking to myself, right? Well, you guys do, but you won't tell anyone.  Will you?

On a side note, if you do know me or where I live, please respect my privacy for my kids' sake.  I've written about why here.  Thanks!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

A Lesson Learned

"Can you give me your foot, Elsie?" Devin quietly asked.

Embarrassed, I shook my head back and forth. I couldn't even lift my foot.  I was useless.  Completely and utterly useless.

Gently, Devin took my sock-covered foot into his large hands and placed it slowly into my well-worn sneaker.  He had undone the laces so my foot would slide in with ease.  Although his head was bent as he tied my shoe, I saw a smile spreading across his face as gently he did the same with my other foot.

A flash of shame, anger and guilt went through me.  How could he be smiling right now?  I was in pain, complete and absolute pain.  My incisions were burning, the muscles in my stomach hurt from throwing up all night, a Migraine from Hell had developed and I had zero medication left inside me.  Yet, looking down, I could still see the corners of his mouth lifting upwards in a grin.

"Why are you smiling?"  I snapped at him.

He looked up at me with love and patience and said, "This is what it's all about. Marriage and being there for each other in our time of need.  I love being here for you when you need me the most and you allowing me be the one to help you and being there for you.  I just love it."

"I hate it."  I replied honestly.  He already helped me get dressed, watched me throw up, watched as I struggled to brush my own teeth.  It was embarrassing and humiliating to have him see me so weak and helpless and I told him as much.

"You need to let go of some of that pride and let me take care of you. You just had a partial hysterectomy, let me help you.  It's what I'm here for and I enjoy  doing it.  Stop being so difficult and let's get you home."  

Off we went for the long ride home, his hand on my leg the entire time while he maneuvered the car as gently as he could around the corners. He assisted me into the house where I was greeted with flowers and cards and a banner from my daughter then he carefully helped me into bed.  He brought me ice chips, medication, set up a bedside tray and cared for me the rest of the day and everyday since, along with my daughter and I've let them...mostly...
~~~ Devin was right about my pride and willfulness.  It was something my sponsor and I discussed during my fifth step. Something I developed at a young age but called it by different names - independence, strong willed, determined - just to name a few, and it served me well while I was a widow and when I co-existed with my daughter's sperm provider; I was still alone, independent.  

I was in "control" and it worked well for me then and at times it still does and still can, however, I haven't been listening to my husband when he said he wants to be the one to take care of me, provide for me, be my rock.  Instead, I was focused on being in control and allowing my pride to get in the way.  I thought if he saw me weak - even in circumstances I couldn't help i.e. Migraines or even a partial hysterectomy - I'd somehow lose that strong woman quality he fell in love with and then he'd lose respect for me or perhaps I'd lose him forever.

I was wrong.  

If only I'd been listening to Devin the last year and a half when he told me he didn't resent me for my Migraines or when he explained he wanted to be my hero.  It took me being completely reliant upon him to see it's what he wanted and what I appreciated all along.

I will slowly but surely getting back into the groove of things.  It's been less than a week since my surgery so please bear with me as I get caught up on my blog and with yours.

Be well everyone!