This post is definitely geared to those readers who are partners of sex addicts....all others, it's okay to click away. I understand. I'll still love you.
This is what works for ME in MY marriage to a sex addict. This is not meant for anyone else's relationship but my own. I am only putting this out there to help those in people in the same situation as mine.
Remember, you have to be able to stick to the consequences you've created otherwise they are useless. The addict will never learn your boundaries and you will continue to get hurt and have no one to blame but yourself. Sound like I'm harsh? Maybe, but I am speaking from experience. I live with a sex addict who relapsed early in his recovery. Thankfully he is sober now but I need consequences in place for my own sanity.
I do this for me because I have chosen to stay in this relationship and it provides me with a sense of security. Something I can point too and say, "Alright, Elsie, you told yourself you weren't going to allow this to happen to you, now what are you going to do?"
This is my Boundary Agreement: (again, it's what works for ME because of Devin's previous acting out behavior in our marriage and blurred lines since recovery. It will seem harsh to anyone not married to a sex addict.)
Again, this is something I second guessed myself about sharing on here. I am under no illusion that the internet is a private place and I've been extremely open about my husband's addiction and my recovery on here. This though...this BA...it's a very personal. Putting it out there like this kinda scares me, I admit.
I simply want to help whoever it is that's searching for answers and hope.
Edited to Add: You can read more about boundaries and other tools I used and how I healed from Relational Trauma (a form of PTSD) in my book, Steps Along My Shore, published in 2016. Also, please feel free to email me. My goal is to help others avoid the mistakes I made along the way.