Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Torn

image from: tryingtomakeyousing.com




Wanting to protect myself

Wanting to protect my children

Wanting to protect him

My heart bleeds as it rips from being torn, who will mend it?

My voice bounces off of an empty room, not wanting to share my pain

The veil of denial slowly lifting from his eyes as he sees his shifting addictions, but it's to late

Loss of his family becoming a reality as plans are being put into motion

My heart bleeds as it rips from being torn, who will mend it?

Needing to protect myself

Needing to protect my children

Still wanting to protect him because I love him so much.

My heart aches.


28 comments:

  1. Sometimes needs and wants coincide, sometimes they don't and a choice has to be made. Great form to your verse, as I'm sure many thoughts float about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Pat. I just had to word vomit a bit. Figured this was better than my usual rant =)

      Delete
  2. This pain, so honestly written, I remember it well. It would be so much easier if there was no love. Be stong! My heart and prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Josie. It would be easier if he did something other than trying to make sure we were all taken care of as we left. If he would just be a jerk then I could be like "yeah, this is why!!" *sigh*

      Delete
  3. This sounds like a bad day. I think you're strong enough to push through this. Good luck and remember I am still here if you need anything. I couldn't imagine how munch it sucks though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, YDB. I very much appreciate you! I have to keep reminding myself how strong I am sometimes. It comes in waves. In a few hours, I'll be just fine =)

      Delete
  4. I know this is hard for you and I wish I could make it better. You're a strong person, so I know you can get through it. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mrs. One Day. Muchly appreciated! Great to have you over here, btw.

      Delete
  5. Someday you will breathe the free air once again and your lungs will remember it and bring a smile to your face.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You need to be selfish for a change after reading all the crap i Have.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kristy. I'm on standby for an appointment with my rockin' counselor Patty =)

      Delete
  7. You put your pain to good use by writing this lovely verse Elsie. Sometimes this is the only way to express feelings that are so complex. It is such a sad time for all of you and I wish Devin had realized long ago exactly how much his actions would hurt him in the end.

    You know I'm praying for you and I'll add Devin to my list so that he may be able to accept this and change himself so that he can become a well person, without you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I appreciate your prayers more than you'll ever know. I pray and pray and it's good to know I'm not alone.

      I also appreciate the compliment coming from you because you are such a talented writer yourself. Me, I'm just a rookie. Writing helps me process the jumbled thoughts that are floating through my brain right now. Thank you!

      Delete
  8. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that you are so torn! I really believe that everything that will work out. You're amazing and I know that you'll make it work! This is beautifully written. Writing and your blogging support group is a great place to turn. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Jax - I have the best blogging support group in all the land! Over the last week I've swallowed my pride and reached out to my friend Tasha for advice, to my support group at S-Anon and my rockin' counselor Patty....it's been insightful to say the least.

      =)

      Delete
  9. What a powerful piece of writing and at the same time so sad I don't like to read that you are feeling torn and that your heart is bleeding..........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was feeling so very sad at the time, Jo-Anne so I just popped on here and cranked this out. Now, this morning, I am right as rain - and actually, it's raining outside LOL

      Thank you for always being here. It means so much!

      Delete
  10. O Lovey . . . A massive hug from me. It's so painful when they start trying . . . and it's too late. Like you say, if he could just be some sort of arsehole it would be easier. I so feel for you and hope your on a less painful "wave" today . . . With Love x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lovey!!! I'm doing so much better today. Despite the rain outside, it's sunshine inside - you know the drill; the roller coaster ride. Thank you for being here for me, as always.

      xoxoxo

      Delete
  11. That made me hurt for you. And I wish that I had more to say lately, but I am the shittiest follower in the world this week. I hope to catch up on EVERYTHING later today when I am post anesthesia...thank you for your understanding of my being useless at the moment. <3 <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My gosh, Mel, what the hell did I miss? Last I read, you were battling a flu of some sort? That would make me the shittiest follower ever....

      Feel better and hugs to YOU!!

      Delete
  12. This hurts my heart also. I'm praying for you and your family through this terrible time. Just know that Meemaw is giving you a big hug and some of my strength to move forward.

    Love,
    Meemaw

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Meemaw!! As I told Anne, those prayers are much appreciated and needed. It's so reassuring to know I'm not alone out there.

      Best Meemaw ever!!!

      xoxoxoxo

      Delete

Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm here to help any way I can.